Kajiya
by ederyn
Summary: Shuichi's had enough of Yuki, and turns to someone unexpected for comfort.
1. Chapter 1

_Yuki's the way he is because of what happened when he was a boy._

No.

Why did Shuichi always rationalize the abuse? Maybe Yuki never hit him, but the bastard was cruel and abusive all the same. _No, wait. He __did__ hit me once or twice. _

Bastard? That was the first time Shu had ever called him a name. But it fit. A mean, heartless bastard. Why had he put up with this treatment for so long? He lived for those moments when Yuki was kind, but it suddenly occurred to him that living for moments that were the exception rather than the rule was like being in love with the alter ego of a multiple personality. Was it really Yuki he loved? Or was it Eiri? And which one was real? He'd been living here for years waiting for Yuki Kitazawa to go home and Eiri Uesugi to move in, but therapy didn't seem to be working. Kitazawa was here to stay, and Shuichi was getting tired of it.

This turtle, though, wasn't broken by Yuki. Shuichi gathered the fractured pieces of the glass paperweight in his hands. Stupid of him to destroy one of his own possessions, but Yuki would have killed him if he'd broken anything of Yuki's. _Always thinking of his feelings, even when we fight. Does he ever think of mine? _

Maybe he could glue it back together. He tried to fit the shards into place, but the stubborn turtle refused to regroup. _Maybe if I just glue two pieces together at a time, then glue those to the next, and so on..._

Where was Yuki now? Shuichi strained his ears listening, then heard the squeal of the fridge opening and the sound of Yuki grabbing a beer. In a moment, he'd return to his laptop, light up a cigarette and tap out a few lines for his book. Shuichi knew Yuki's routine like a script by now. Had to stay aware of what Yuki was feeling, doing, thinking...had to stay aware to avoid the explosions.

_Like living in a minefield._ It was exhausting to exist like this. When he was younger it didn't bother him; he was so in love with Yuki's success and Yuki's looks and Yuki's cool quotient that he'd put up with anything back then. It was embarrassing to remember his younger self now, slobbering like a dog and begging for forgiveness whenever Yuki got mad.

_How many times did he throw me out of the apartment back then?_ Probably dozens. And what had he ever done to deserve it? If only Shuichi hadn't been so afraid of living alone. He'd always needed _someone_ to live with. _I'm weak, that's what it is. Just can't handle living alone._

Weak and stupid. Every name Yuki had ever called him was true, for only a brainless idiot would throw his treasured paperweight at someone during an argument. Yuki had deftly stepped out of the way, and the turtle had shattered against the living room wall.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid. How could I be so effing stupid?_

He'd loved that silly little turtle. Bought it in the Galleria when Yuki had called him an idiot for not realizing how much money he had now.

_**"Why are you staring in that window?"**_

_**"I just like looking at all the curios. My mother loves looking at this kind of stuff, and it brings back good memories."**_

_**"So why not go in? You look like a moron with your face against the window of a crystal shop like that."**_

_**"No, I couldn't afford anything in there. Do you know how expensive those things are?"**_

_**"Heh. You idiot. You're a mega-star now. You've sold millions of CDs. You just got back from a sold-out world tour, and your face is on billboards all over Japan. I think you can afford a damn candlestick or two."**_

Yuki was right. He'd been an idiot. He hadn't even realized how successful he was then. _How can one be a success when your love life's as fucked up as mine?_ They'd gone into the shop, and Shuichi had bought some Venetian glassware for his mother and a turtle paperweight for himself...just because. The thing had spoken to him somehow, and he'd known he was meant to have it. When they got home, he'd placed it on the end table near the TV where he'd always see it. A silly thing, but he'd loved that turtle. Unfortunately, it had been a little too near at hand during the argument.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._

There were pieces missing; it had simply shattered into too many pieces. Maybe he could go to the Galleria tomorrow and see if they had another. Nah, it wouldn't be the same, and it would remind him of this fight every time he saw it. The turtle was doomed, like the relationship.

Did Yuki even care? Did he care about anything but himself? Funny, he'd always accused Shu of being selfish, but everything was always about Yuki. No one in the world had ever suffered like Yuki. No one else had ever been betrayed, no one else had ever been raped..._no, wait—__**I **__was._ The difference was that Shuichi didn't wallow in the trauma 24 hours a day. The memories tortured him at odd moments, but he didn't let them eat his soul like Yuki did. He certainly didn't make excuses for his rapist and fantasize about sex with him like Yuki did.

_Yuki needs more help than I can give him._ There was no point in staying. Shuichi headed into the bedroom and yanked a suitcase from the closet. He'd spend the night in a hotel, and think about finding somewhere else to live in the morning. He could afford a house of his own now, or at least a nice, huge apartment. For an instant he considered packing the broken shards of the turtle, but couldn't really spare the space. There were a ton of stage clothes he needed to bring with him. With an exasperated sigh, he piled the shattered bits together on the nightstand. If Yuki came in here later wondering where he was, those fragments would tell the tale better than Shuichi ever could. _Shuichi's gone,_ the shards would say. _Gone forever, because there's no way to fix this._

Sometimes things were just too broken.


	2. Chapter 2

Shuichi'd had another fight with Yuki-san; he could already tell. _Lousy way to start the morning._ The pink chimp dragged himself into the building looking like crap. Hair mussed, circles under the eyes, two different shoes on his feet. Fuck. That meant another weepfest, and he wasn't going to get a damn thing done today. The boss wasn't going to like this.

K patted down his sides looking for a cigarette and a weapon. For some reason, no one took the guns seriously anymore. He really needed to stop threatening without following through, but Japan had these pernicious firearm laws. Damn them. Ooh, a grenade. Hadn't used one of those lately. Moving it to a more convenient pocket, he fumbled around for a lighter. What he needed most right now was a cigarette and a cup of coffee. If Shuichi wasn't going to get any rehearsing done, he'd need caffeine in his system before he could explain the wasted studio time to Seguchi.

K watched Shu get a candy bar from a vending machine and destroy half of it trying to get the wrapper open. Man, didn't he ever eat right? _Yuki probably isn't much of a role model. Poor kid honestly needs to find someone a little better at taking care of him._ But hoping for a replacement was a waste of time. Yuki and Shuichi were gravitationally destined for each other, or some such crap. Did the fates really hate Shu that much that they'd partner him with someone so destructive? _Kid must have done something awful in a past life._

Whatever. K pulled a semiautomatic from its holster and cleaned the barrel. He had a job to do, and Shuichi needed to focus on that. The now or never scenario probably wouldn't work again, would it? K rubbed his chin with the barrel of the handgun while thinking, then re-holstered it. Nah, he'd have to try something else. But first things first. First he needed to get Shuichi upstairs and into the studio. A grenade was a good motivator. At least, it would have to do. He headed over to his cash cow.

"Shuichi, get to the rehearsal studio or I'll pull the pin on this grenade."

"Yes, K. I'm on my way."

Damn. What did that fucker Yuki do to him this time? K had never seen Shuichi so depressed, yet the kid was trying like hell not to show it. A stranger might be fooled, actually, but K knew better. Everyone in the building would know better. This time it was really for good, wasn't it? Yuki and Shu were a past event.

_Fuuuuuuuck._

Odd that there were no gushing tears, no screams or wailing, or even sound. The world went out with a whisper, not a bang. This was seriously no good. While he really couldn't care less if Yuki jumped off a bridge, there was the issue of K's paycheck and how to make it grow fatter day by day.

He had to find Shuichi another carrot soon.


	3. Chapter 3

_My crazy dream continues._

Shuichi had gotten no sleep the night before, but crawled in to work anyhow. _They always know, don't they, that Yuki and I had a fight when I don't show up for work._ It suddenly struck him that he knew nothing of their private lives, but everyone in the building usually knew just how his relationship with Yuki was going. _I've seriously got to stop spewing my personal life in everyone's face. I'm not a child anymore._

Did Sakano have a wife? Did he have a boyfriend? Did he have a first name? Funny that Shu didn't know. _No, not funny. Sad. _

Sad, sad, sad.

From now on, he'd be different. He'd take an interest in the lives of the people he worked with and cared about. He'd never considered it before, but saw now that if anything tragic happened to Sakano, or K, or Suguru, or the others, it would honestly devastate him. They'd become a kind of family.

"Shuichi, get to the rehearsal studio or I'll pull the pin on this grenade."

Okay, a dysfunctional one. But a family, nonetheless.

"Yes, K. I'm on my way." See? It was easy. Fooled K, and he could fool the others. He'd just get to work and do his job, and no one would know he and Yuki were on the skids. Again. _For the last time. Seriously. So tired of this_. No more emotional roller coaster. Maybe no more soaring highs, but no more crushing lows, either. See? He could do this. Really.

Shuichi pushed the button for the lift with his fist and went upstairs. Hiro and Fujisaki were already in the rehearsal room. No surprise there. He was always the last to arrive. "Hey, guys. Hope you haven't been waiting long."

Yeah, a false show of bravado was a nice touch. They'd never see through that. Not even Hiro.

Thing is, it wasn't completely false. Maybe the full significance of life without Yuki would hit him later, but right now there was simply a numbness where Yuki used to be. Sure; before long he'd forget about the writer completely. What was his name again?

_My crazy dream continues. I wish I could wake up._

After an hour of incompetent singing and even worse composing, K whipped out a pack of smokes and said he'd had enough. "Shuichi, go take a break. Everyone, be back here in ten minutes and we'll try again. This is going nowhere fast."

_My crazy glaring dream continues._

K was wrong. Shuichi didn't need a break. He was fine. Just fine. But if the others wanted to take a break, why should he stop them? _Fine. I'll go get some more candy. I'm starving._

He left the room to head for the elevator down the hall, then stopped dead when he saw someone get off the lift.

"Yuki."


	4. Chapter 4

Idiot. Did the brat really think he could manipulate him into...what? Just what did the moron want him to do? Beg him to come back to the apartment? _ Heh. We should both live so long._ Eiri couldn't remember just what the argument was about yesterday, but he wouldn't have gotten so worked up over something enough to argue about it if he wasn't in the right. He waltzed through the glass doors of the NG building and got on the lift, then pressed the button for the top floor.

Sure missed the brat, though. The place wasn't the same without his singsong chatter filling the air and keeping the demons at bay. Without Shuichi's noise he had more time to think, and thinking was hazardous.

Well, there were other ways to fill the empty spaces. He could listen to Seguchi warble about whatever was on his mind. Usually Eiri. _"Oh, Eiri-san,"_ he'd say. _"You look so thin. Are you getting enough to eat? Sit down and I'll make you some pasta."_

Heh. Eiri would never admit it, but sometimes he liked being fussed over. The elevator door opened and he got off, then realized it was the wrong floor. Damn employees. He hadn't really noticed who'd gotten on, but whoever it was would now have to go to the top floor first. He hoped they were ultimately heading for the basement. Served them right for inconveniencing him like this. Now what floor was this? Eiri looked down the hall, and saw Shuichi emerge from one of the rooms. Damn. Now the brat would think he'd come here to see him, and he definitely hadn't.

Definitely hadn't.

Crap. Eiri turned and punched the button for the other elevator, pleased that the doors opened immediately. This was great. Maybe the idiot knew he was here, but now he knew Eiri wasn't here to see _him._ Better than great. Awesome.

The elevator stopped on the top floor, and Eiri headed down the hall to Tohma's office. What was the brat doing downstairs? Paralyzed in his tracks by the sight of him getting on with his life? Or bouncing against the walls like a gibbon, whining to his friends and crying buckets of tears over his coldness?

"Well, he'd better get used to it. I'm not a babysitter. There's a deadline for my next book, and he just gets in my way. I don't want him around any—"

Okay, that was a lie. He deceived himself every time he said Shuichi was just a hole to fuck or something to keep his mind off the past. Somewhere down the line the brat had become something critical to his existence, much as he hated that, and Eiri wasn't sure he could live without him now.

_If he thinks I'm going to bend down on one knee and beg him to return, though, he's got another thing coming._ Someone else would have to do that. Someone good at fixing things. Eiri arrived at Tohma's office and rapped on the door.

"I'm sorry, but Seguchi-san told me to hold his calls and permit no visitors this morning," a secretary called out to him, but he ignored her.

"Seguchi," he snapped back, going inside, "We need to talk."


	5. Chapter 5

A moment later, Tohma's voice irrupted over the secretary's intercom. "It's okay, Miyoshi-san. I'll see my brother-in-law. But please block everyone else."

The secretary gave an affirmative reply, then left for the ladies' room. Shuichi saw her breeze by when the elevator landed on the top floor, but she probably didn't see him as he got off the lift. In any case, it was unlikely she'd be away long, so Shu hurried to Tohma's office and put his ear to the door.

Yuki was in there, wasn't he? Who else would he come here to see? It wasn't like Yuki and Sakano had heart-to-heart talks, or Yuki and K, or even Yuki and Suguru. _He must be telling Seguchi how ungrateful I am and how glad he is that I'm gone._

Bastard. Both of them. Yuki was secretly in love with Tohma, wasn't he? Shuichi remembered something...what was it again? Something about being special.

_Yeah, that was it._ Tohma was special. _So I'm just dirt? Must be, considering how he treats me._

Unfortunately, Tohma's voice was so soft and low that he couldn't hear the replies. He could hear Yuki all right, though. Wait, what was that? The word _special _popped up again.

"This is all your fault, Seguchi. You were the one who forced that brat on me. Turning up the radio whenever one of his songs came on, pushing us together—I told you I didn't want to be special to anyone ever again, and I didn't want anyone to be special to me. Kitazawa was special, and you saw what happened."

Damn. The secretary was coming back. Shuichi decided the men's room was the most logical escape route, and smiled at her as he passed by Miyoshi-san in the hallway. That smile quickly vanished once he got inside and leaned with his back against the door. Tohma forced the brat on him? Tohma pushed them together? Tohma was the one who'd tried to break them apart.

No, wait. That was Mika...in the hospital. But Tohma had carried out her orders. It was Tohma...

Tohma, Tohma, Tohma, Tohma, Tohma, Tohma.

He was so sick of hearing about Tohma. Why was it Tohma Yuki went to when he was upset? Why didn't he want to talk to Shuichi?

_He doesn't take me seriously. I'm just a brat and a moron, not an intelligent adult. When he needs serious advice, he goes to a trusted equal. Just more proof that he thinks I'm inferior. Argh._

To hell with this. Maybe Shuichi had been put on earth to entertain, but he wasn't here just for the amusement of one person. If Yuki wanted a live-in toy to amuse him, he could find someone else. From now on, Shu would be too busy.

He had work to do in the studio.


	6. Chapter 6

_Can't things just be good for everyone at the same time, for once?_ It was unreal how the odds of probability didn't apply to Bad Luck. When Hiro and Ayaka were good, Shu and Yuki were on the outs. And when Shu and Hiro both had it going on, Suguru had problems.

Figured. Just figured. Right now, everyone in the studio had it together, so Yuki had to throw Shuichi out. Again. Had to be it. What else could have happened? Shuichi returned to the studio looking like he'd been run over by a garbage truck. Man, that sucked. As his best friend, Hiro was going to offer to let Shu crash in his apartment, but he secretly hoped Shuichi had other arrangements. Ayaka came over a lot now, and Hiro was even considering asking her to move in. Or maybe they could get a larger place together somewhere else. Hey, that was a plan. Shu could live in Hiro's old dump until the lease ran out, and Hiro would move to a new flat, and—

"Don't worry, it's all good."

What? "Shuichi? Did you say something?" That was just what he needed—Shuichi acquiring the ability to read his mind.

"Um...just that you shouldn't worry about me. I know I look like hell right now, but I promise I won't fall apart this time. I've let you guys down before, and I'm just saying that won't happen this time. I'm going to pull my weight. Honest."

"Shuichi..."

Damn. Men didn't hug, but if it wouldn't look totally queer, he'd grab Shuichi right now, and...oh, what the fuck. Sakano and the others got emo at times, too. Hiro pulled Shuichi into a bear hug and whispered some nonsense that things could only go up from here. Nobody ever believed that, but you had to say crap like that when someone was upset.

"I know, Hiro. You're an awesome friend, but really, you don't need to worry. I'll find someone new eventually. In the meantime, I plan to bury myself in my work."

Huh? "Wait. You mean, this time it's for good? No more Yuki?"

"Yup. No more Yuki."

As simple as that. No emotion, no tears, no streamers of toilet paper filling the men's room. Although Hiro hadn't been in the men's room lately. Maybe it _was_ full of toilet paper. _Oh, I get it. This is the numb stage._ "You know, Shuichi, you may feel that way now, but when Yuki calms down he'll probably let you back into the apartment."

"Let me back in? He'd probably let me in right now. But I left _him_, and I don't intend to go back. He's not what I thought he was when we first met. I thought he was kind, and...ha! Where did I ever get _that_ idea? He's only kind to the cat."

_Aww, Shu..._

"Never mind. Let's just get back to work, okay? If we talk about Yuki I'll cry, and K will shoot me."

Shuichi grabbed some sheet music and pretended to organize the papers, but Hiro could tell he wasn't seeing what he was doing. _I ought to kill Yuki for whatever he did to drive Shu from his home._

To his amazement and alarm, though, Tohma Seguchi suddenly entered the studio. Seguchi hadn't been in here since Ryuichi returned to L.A. and broke up Grasper a second time. _Shit. You don't suppose he can read my mind too, do you? Maybe he heard me say I wanted to kill Yuki. Dayam..._ What was up with everyone reading his mind today? Eerie.

"Excuse me, Shindo-san, but could you please come to my office? I need to speak with you about something."

Just as quickly he disappeared—_man, he's like a ninja_—leaving everyone in the studio with a gaping mouth, and Hiro with the impression that he'd never seen Tohma smile so wide before. _Damn, he must be pissed._ "Shu, you want me to come with you? I can always make up an excuse."

"Nah, it's fine. There's something I need to discuss with Tohma anyhow." He turned and headed for the door, stopping at the threshold. "But Hiro? Thanks. I mean it. Thanks for always being there for me." Then he left, and something about the image reminded Hiro of the Fukushima 50. _Yeah, they were willing to risk their lives just to stay on the job, too._ Okay, now he was just getting maudlin. _But man, the boss is probably going to cream him now for leaving Yuki. _Hiro and Suguru could handle the instruments and maybe some background vocals, but there was no way either one of them could be the front man.

Maybe they should start looking for a new vocalist.


	7. Chapter 7

"Please have a seat, Shindo-san."

Seguchi was in fine form today. Shuichi could almost hear the compère as Tohma strutted down the catwalk.

_**And here we have a lovely outfit, ladies. Tohma's wearing a subdued Giorgio Armani suit in très chic peacock green with wide lapels, fur trimmed pockets and matching gloves. **_

"I'll just cut right to the chase. I heard about your little tiff with Eiri-san."

_**Lavender turtleneck is by Tsumori Chisato.**_

"Normally, I wouldn't get involved. Every couple has their quarrels, but there are music sales to consider in this case."

_**Purple spats by Yves Saint Laurent.**_

"A cd to produce, an upcoming tour. And I was thinking this might be a good year to try to crack the European market."

_**Black hat with feather trim by Jean Paul Gaultier.**_

"After that, North America. It would mean billions of yen if Bad Luck could chart a top ten hit in the U.S.A. No J-pop act has ever done that before, not even Gackt."

_**Available at Seibu on Omotesando Street, Tokyo. **_

"Shindo-san? Are you listening to me?"

Hmm...? "Oh, sure." Shuichi came out of his reverie and focused on the boss. "Chart a hit on Omotesando Street, Tokyo. Got it, shacho." He pointed two fingers at Tohma like a gun, accompanied by a horse clicking sound.

Tohma rose from his seat and wandered over to the windows, rubbing his temple with one finger.

"Actually, Tohma, this is just what I wanted to talk to you about. You probably heard that Yuki and I had a fight. It's over between us for good, and I won't lie to you—you always know the truth anyway. This is killing me, and I'm a little preoccupied at the moment. But some occupational therapy would do me good, so this is a perfect time to take Bad Luck to the next level. I want to be bigger than the Beatles."

Tohma turned from the window wall and stared at Shuichi as if he were a rabid baboon. Just staring, as if he couldn't tell whether Shu was joking or not, and therefore didn't know quite how to respond. _Did I say something wrong? I really do want to be bigger than the Beatles!_ Then he did something Shuichi had never witnessed before.

He laughed. Drifted back over to his expensive executive chair, sat down, and laughed. Laughed with a girl's voice. Come to think of it, Tohma's normal speaking voice was like a girl's. Why hadn't he noticed that before? Possibly because Seguchi was so scary. Serial killers, psychopaths and sadists generally don't sound like girls. No, Yuki was all those things and he had a deep voice. Three murders and you were a serial killer, right? How many had Tohma killed? Shuichi wouldn't be surprised if it numbered in the dozens. He'd have to have killed _someone_ to get where he was today.

"Pardon me, Shindo-san..."

Much more dangerous than Yuki.

Infinitely more dangerous. So charming and kind and always smiling—exactly how Yuki had once described Kitazawa.

"I mean no disrespect. While it's good to have goals, that's an objective that's not realistically attainable at the moment."

"Huh? Why not? I'm willing to work for it. This is the perfect time to work for it. I want to throw myself into the work and forget Yuki ever existed."

"But Shindo-san, there's more to it than just work. A number of factors come into a story like that; many of which are beyond your control. Like luck. Your band isn't known as _Good_ Luck, you know."

Tohma smiled graciously, but it wasn't one of his fake or threatening smiles. He seemed genuinely amused by Shuichi's idea.

"Chikushou! I'm serious, Tohma. But I can't do it without your backing. It'll take a lot of promotion to get that big."

"It'll take more than promotion. A whole lot more."

"I know, but I'm ready to take it to the next level."

"That's not the next level. There are at least ten levels between here and there. It's not enough to simply do something really well. You also have to do it _first_. The Beatles took music in a new direction, and some would say they invented a whole different kind of music—the kind still being played today. There's a huge risk in developing a new kind of music. New things aren't always commercially successful."

"That's why I need you in our corner. If _you_ like the music, then everyone else will, even if it's a little different. Aren't you getting tired of the same old sound, Tohma? Pop music in Japan hasn't changed since the eighties, and it's time to move on to something new and different...something bolder!"

"Heh. Something bolder." Tohma put his elbows on the desktop and threaded his fingers under his chin. "How bold are you willing to go, Shindo-san? For instance, are you willing to take voice lessons?"

"Voice lessons?! What's wrong with my voice?" Shuichi put his hands to his throat, as if Tohma was going to surgically alter his pipes. "I don't want to be an opera singer."

"I wouldn't want you to be. It's not as commercially viable. But voice lessons will train your voice so you can sing longer, stronger, with more feeling and with less damage to your vocal cords."

"Oh. Okay, fine. I'll take voice lessons. What else?"

"How willing are you to experiment with other instruments? The Beatles brought orchestral arrangements into rock music for the first time. If you did the same, you'd only be copying them and it wouldn't be the same. But their receptivity to different instruments and new sounds helped define their music. You need to find your own music signature too. There are plenty of traditional Japanese instruments that could embellish and define your own unique sound, not to mention instruments from other countries. Not every instrument or sound can be replicated with synthesizers."

"That's exactly the kind of thing I want to do. Experiment. What else?"

"In line with that, are you willing to take a new member or two into the group? Experimentation might cement the need for a permanent drummer and bassist, for instance."

Okay, that one took Shuichi back a bit. It'd all but given him apoplexy just having to adjust to Fujisaki. _But I got there, didn't I? I finally accepted him as a member._ In his mind, Shuichi swilled a full bottle of vinegar and slammed the empty bottle on the desktop. "Bring it on! I can handle it, boss." A new member or twelve would probably be good for them. Sure. "No, really."

"Heh."

"I can do it! What else?"

"Okay, how willing are you to travel and expose yourself to different kinds of music from around the world? There's music everywhere, even in the deepest deserts, and until you really _understand_ music by immersion and exposure to it in all its forms, you'll never be able to create your own unique musical language."

Whoa. Who knew Tohma was this deep? Wait a minute; the Beatles didn't travel around the world when they first started. _It's not deep. It's just Tohma making money. He likes making moolah, so he knows his job._ Fine; Shuichi could play along. "I could use a good vacation. Let's go! Just let me pack my things..." Ahh, crap. He remembered now that he was already on the road, living out of a hotel. Chikushou. "Come to think of it, my bags are already packed. Just send a car over to the Park Hyatt, and we can board the plane tonight. Whatta ya say?"

Tohma leaned back in his chair, still amused by Shuichi's naiveté. "I say it's going to cost you a fortune to live in that hotel for long. I have a guest room or two in my house. It would be silly not to put one to use and stay there until you return to Eiri-san."

"I told you, I'm not going back to him!"

"Then until you find a permanent residence of your own, then. Mika-san is visiting her father in Kyoto. They won't be back for another week."

"They?"

"Yes. Mika-san and the baby."

Oh, yeah. Shuichi had forgotten there was a baby now. What was the kid's name again?

"Shall we go?"

Hmm...? "Oh, yes." Go where? Shuichi rose from the comfy chair and followed Tohma out to the elevator. "But it's not even noon yet."

"No, but they'll probably expect you to check out before then, or else charge you for another day. We'll move you right now; that'll save money."

Save money, save money. It was always about saving or making money.

Money, money...

Um...

No, wait.

Actually, no it wasn't. That wasn't it at all, was it? This was about Tohma moving him to where he could pressure Shuichi to return to Yuki. Even if he hated Shu, his brother-in-law was everything to Tohma, and he'd stoically work against his own self-interest just to make Yuki happy.

_Well, fuck me with a spoon._

Tohma was going to get a nasty surprise, then. He wasn't going back, no matter what Seguchi said to him. _Sorry, boss, but my guilt-o-meter won't go any higher. Yuki's a big boy, and there are no words that can affect me anymore._

Now _there_ was the making of a hit song. On the lift, Seguchi glanced at him quizzically now and then as he worked out the lyrics.

"Going on a road trip, la la la, not a guilt trip."


	8. Chapter 8

Whoa. So this was the Seguchi castle. And in Den-en-chōfu 3 Chōme, yet. Shuichi had expected Tohma to live in Azabu, the most expensive residential neighborhood in the city. Only the rich and famous lived there, and it boasted an active night life and music scene. While Den-en-chōfu was also home to a number of celebrities, politicians, sports figures and business leaders, it was a much quieter area, possibly the closest thing to a suburban neighborhood in Tokyo. It had been modeled after the garden suburbs of London, and was considered a good place to raise children.

Ah, maybe that was the appeal. Tohma had a son now, although this house struck Shuichi as having been lived in a while. There was a feeling of 'home' here that Yuki's place had always lacked.

_Yuki's place. It was never my place, was it?_

"Please make yourself at home, Shindo-san," Tohma suggested, while putting on his slippers. "The room on the far right when you get to the top of the stairs is the largest room, I think, but feel free to pick whichever you like. The master bedroom and nursery are the only rooms in use up there."

Shuichi nodded and climbed up the stairs. This should probably be intimidating, being in Seguchi's house, but Shuichi considered it an adventure. Much better than staying at the Park Hyatt. Those rooms were large and modern, but Tohma's house was...it was just...so much more.

"I should really get a house like this. Maybe even live on the same street. It has nice trees and grass, not all concrete and asphalt like the rest of Tokyo. I'll get a nice freestanding house, expensively decorated." Tohma must have hired a professional designer to choose all this furniture and artwork. Yuki was really a dolt spending all his time shut up in that apartment when he could be hanging out over here. Shuichi stowed his bags in the closet and flung himself on the bed, impressed that there was a permanent platform bed in here and not just a futon grouping he'd have to arrange and set up every morning and night. Tohma really knew how to live.

_Well, I'm going to learn how to live, too._

Up to now he'd been living for Yuki, with only sex and the occasional kind word as a reward. Okay, so the sex was good, but for all he knew Yuki was terrible in bed. He'd never been with anyone else for comparison.

What was Yuki doing right now? Probably piling all Shuichi's belongings in the hall outside the apartment. _Damn, I'd better get the rest of my gear before he does that._ Yuki had done it before. Had he thrown out the broken turtle yet? Shu suddenly regretted leaving it behind, for no other reason than that Yuki might cut his hands while picking up the shards. _Thoughtless of me, but I was angry._

He raised himself up on his elbows and sniffed the air. Pasta? Whatever it was, it smelled good, especially when he hadn't eaten anything today but a few slivers of candy. He could figure out what to do about his stuff later. Right now, he decided to go downstairs and see what Tohma was up to.


	9. Chapter 9

It was better this way.

Shuichi was just a nuisance, an infantile menace, a clanging noise that got in the way of his writing and thinking. He was better off without the clingy idiot breaking his concentration. Eiri opened the window and leaned on the sill, watching the cars go by on their way to work. Or maybe it was lunch by now; who knows. The only hours that had any significance were the ones immediately preceding a deadline. He lit a cigarette and blew the smoke out the window, wondering why it was so dark in the apartment this morning. Must have been dark every morning, but the whiny brat kept him from noticing the gloom.

Didn't matter. It was still better this way. Eiri slowly spun his engagement ring around his finger, debating whether to pawn it, stash it or wear it.

_Eh, the brat will be back._

Sure he would. He'd always come back before. And if he didn't, Eiri preferred living alone anyway. Lived alone for years, and liked it just fine.

Just fine.

They had nothing in common anyhow. Shuichi liked video games, theme parks, Ryuichi Sakuma, and crying jags; Eiri liked...well, nothing. Maybe strawberry shortcake, tantric sex, mood swings, beer, cigarettes. Oh, and being cruel to people.

_Wait, we do have one thing in common. We've both been raped._

He set the cigarette in an ashtray, then meandered through the apartment until he stood in the bedroom doorway. Shuichi's crap was still scattered around the place, and he wondered what to do with it. _Maybe I should pack it all up and ship it to his parents' house._

The brat would be back, though. He always came back for more.

Eiri stepped into the room and sat on the bed, fingering the broken pieces of turtle on the nightstand. Why hadn't the idiot just thrown them away? _Must be important to him._ Or maybe he just liked broken things.

_So damn dark in here._

It was probably the darkness, but whatever the reason, he didn't feel like sitting around the apartment today. Maybe Seguchi had spoken to the brat by now.

_**"This is all your fault, Seguchi. You were the one who forced that brat on me. Turning up the radio whenever one of his songs came on, pushing us together—I told you I didn't want to be special to anyone ever again, and I didn't want anyone to be special to me. Kitazawa was special, and you saw what happened."**_

Kitazawa was special, and Tohma was special, and Shuichi was special...and he had bad luck with all of them. _Bad Luck. Good name for a band. Ought to be my middle name._

Picking up the phone beside the bed, he decided to dial NG, but the secretary had some unexpected news for him.

"I'm sorry, but Seguchi-san left the office a few minutes ago and went home. Can I take a message, Yuki-san?"

"Uh, no thanks."

This was better yet. Mika was in Kyoto, so he could go over to Seguchi's house and talk without anyone bothering them. Anything was better than sitting here with nothing to do and no one to keep his mind off the darkness.

_My light is gone._


	10. Chapter 10

Spaghetti!

Maybe it was just because he was so friggin' hungry, but this was the best damn spaghetti he'd ever eaten in his entire life. "Romping rage beats, Tohma, this is wonderful."

"Heh. I'm glad you like it. Please help yourself to more. There's plenty in the pot." Tohma smiled warmly as Shuichi cleaned his plate and then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Thanks, but if I eat any more I'll explode. And we really need to get to work becoming bigger than the Beatles."

The smallest flicker of argument shadowed Tohma's face for an instant, then another smile fell firmly in place, although the smile was not quite as honest. If he hadn't been looking at Tohma the moment it happened, Shuichi wouldn't have noticed. "We're not going to be bigger than the Beatles, are we?"

Tohma glanced down a second, then looked at Shuichi again. "It's not very likely, Shindo-san. There are simply too many things they had that you don't."

"Like what?"

"Like timing, and luck, and at least two certifiable genius composers, possibly three or four, not to mention a genius producer."

"Ah." Well, that tore it, then. He was no genius. Hiro was, but he didn't compose. Fujisaki was, and _did_ compose, but he was overworked already. Shu couldn't dump even more work on him. What had he been thinking? _I know, I'm delirious from leaving Yuki._

"Of course, that doesn't mean you can't be bigger than you are. A lot bigger. Michael Jackson was never as big as the Beatles, but he was huge in his own right."

_I could be as big as Michael Jackson? I mean, Bad Luck could be?_

In another minute he'd think up a proper response to that, but there was a knock on the door and Tohma rose to answer it. "Please excuse me a moment, Shindo-san."

Tohma left the kitchen and crossed the living room to answer the front door. From the kitchen, Shuichi could only hear Tohma's end of the conversation, and he couldn't see who was out on the front stoop, but Tohma soon revealed who it was, and Shuichi had to choke down a lump in his throat. Should have expected this.

"Eiri-san. What a pleasant surprise. Please come in and sit down."


	11. Chapter 11

"Twice in one day. I'm deeply flattered, Eiri-san."

"Can it, Seguchi." Eiri entered the house and kicked off his shoes, letting Tohma gather them together in the _getabako_. "So what are you doing home so early?" Eiri asked, hunting around for something shaped like an ashtray.

"Just having lunch, then it's back to the office. Would you like some spaghetti? I made the meatballs just the way you like them."

"Heh. You never quit, do you? No, I don't want any damn spaghetti. All I want is a smoke." There was a fancy lacquered candy dish on the end table, currently holding paper clips, loose change, rubber bands and other odds and ends. Eiri dumped the contents on the table and lit a cigarette, blowing the smoke directly toward his brother-in-law. He then leaned back on the sofa, staring at the ceiling. "What am I going to do, Seguchi? There's a deadline coming up, but I can't concentrate. There's too much of Shuichi's presence in the apartment."

"Too much? Or too little?" Tohma sat down on the loveseat perpendicular to the couch, with his eyes fixed on his brother-in-law. "If you apologized sincerely, you could easily get him back. He's always had a magnetic attraction to you."

Eiri's head snapped up as he glared at Tohma. "Apologize? For what? I can't even remember what the argument was about. Have you spoken to him yet? I thought you were going to fix all this, so I can get back to the mess I call my life."

Tohma smiled with an expression he reserved solely for Eiri. "I'll talk to him. But first—"

"Damn you, Seguchi. I asked one little favor. Just talk to the brat and get him to come home so I can concentrate on my book. Instead, you're here playing Iron Chef Italy when you ought to be back at the office putting pressure on the moron. Can't you threaten to break his contract or something?"

"If I broke his contract he'd go directly to XMR, and they'd make a fortune off him instead of me. I'd be shooting myself in the foot, and he knows it." He probably knew a lot of things, just from eavesdropping in the kitchen. And his brother-in-law had no idea Shuichi was there? Maybe Tohma could use that. "I promised I'll talk to him, Eiri-san, and I will. But it's not really necessary. If you simply told him how much you love him—"

"Love him? Ha. He's the world's biggest idiot."

"But you do love him, Eiri-san. You've done so many things to help and protect him. Deep down you must care."

"He's a hole to fuck."

Okay, this wasn't working quite the way he'd expected. Tohma rose from the loveseat and paced slowly around the room, thinking of things Eiri had done for Shuichi through the years. "You've let him live with you all this time. That, when you prefer solitude. Just living with him is proof that you love him."

"I've gotten used to him. It's too quiet when he's not around."

"Eiri-san, please. You could ask any of your old girlfriends to move in with you if you just wanted noise. There's something special about Shindo-san. He's an interesting person, and the first one you met who didn't want anything from you except love."

"Fine. I love him. But more importantly, I need to finish this fucking book. Just get the moron back in the apartment so I can meet my deadline. Is that so hard? I still don't understand why the brat left in the first place."

Yes, that _was_ a mystery. A better question was how he could live there so long. "Erm...perhaps your personal manner could use some fine tuning, Eiri-san. You used to be so charming when you were a boy."

"Let's not go there, Seguchi. I am what you and Sensei made me; let's leave it at that. Just talk to the idiot and get him to come home. All right?"

"Yes, Eiri-san."

Eiri ashed the cigarette and put it in his mouth, then grabbed his shoes in the foyer. While he put them on, Tohma tried to think of something to salvage the conversation, but what was there to say? If Eiri kept talking, he'd queer the deal permanently. It was going to take a major engineering effort to undo the damage that had already been done.

"Eiri-san, I think there's something you should know about Shindo—"

"Stow it, Seguchi. I don't have time right now. Got to get back to work."

Fine. Tohma watched Eiri get into his car and drive off, then closed the door. What were the odds that Shuichi hadn't noticed Eiri was here? _Hmm, about the same odds that Eiri will win a congeniality prize. _

This was all Tohma's fault. Eiri had been a charming, kind, cheerful little boy when he'd taken him to New York. It was Tohma's fault he'd returned him like this.

All his fault.


	12. Chapter 12

This...

_**"If you apologized sincerely, you could easily get him back. He's always had a magnetic attraction to you." **_

This was no good.

_**"Apologize? For what? I can't even remember what the argument was about." **_

Yuki asked Tohma to make him return home?

_**"I'll talk to him. But first—" **_

This was no good. Just listening to Yuki told him something he should have known all along.

_**"Damn you, Seguchi. I asked one little favor. Just talk to the brat and get him to come home so I can concentrate on my book." **_

The relationship wasn't healthy, and Shuichi needed to stay away.

_**"He's the world's biggest idiot." **_

But just seeing Yuki again made him want to jump into his arms and shag him right there in Tohma's living room.

_**"But you do love him, Eiri-san. You've done so many things to help and protect him. Deep down you must care."**_

_**"He's a hole to fuck." **_

Nice of Tohma to try to get them back together, but getting together would be dangerous. Now that he'd lost the stars from his eyes, he could clearly see that for the first time.

_**"I've gotten used to him. It's too quiet when he's not around." **_

Very dangerous. Little by little, Yuki was sucking the self-esteem right out of him and flushing it down the toilet.

_**"I need to finish this fucking book. Just get the moron back in the apartment so I can meet my deadline." **_

If Shuichi were a woman, he'd be considered a victim of abuse.

_**"I still don't understand why the brat left in the first place." **_

But he wanted Yuki so badly. Why? What did he really have when they were together? A cold, cruel, moody, brooding lover with anger issues. Okay, there were moments of kindness. Enough to make him hang around all this time. The other Yuki still held sway, though, and it would be years before Good Yuki defeated Evil Yuki entirely. _I'm not a therapist. He needs more help than I can give him._ Love wasn't supposed to be like this. Shuichi needed someone supportive, someone he didn't have to walk on eggshells around, someone he could be himself with at all times without fear. Yuki must have been like that, once upon a time.

_**"You used to be so charming when you were a boy."**_

But there was something else.

_**"Let's not go there, Seguchi. I am what you and Sensei made me; let's leave it at that." **_

The way he treated his brother-in-law. The way he treated his own sister. The way he treated those who loved him most and tried to help him. Was Tohma tired of it too?

_He must be by now, but guilt makes him feel obligated to put up with it._

Tohma wandered back into the kitchen, and found Shuichi sitting on the floor against the wall nearest the living room. Extending a hand, he helped Shu to his feet, then began putting the leftover spaghetti in Tupperware. "Ready to return to work, Shindo-san?"

"Um...I've been thinking, Tohma. You were wrong earlier."

"Wrong about what?"

"We _do_ have a genius composer and a genius producer who could beat the Beatles. You."


	13. Chapter 13

"Shindo-san—"

"No, I'm serious, Tohma!"

Tohma placed the dishes in the sink, then removed his apron. "Shindo-san, you may recall that I was in a band once, and we never became bigger than the Beatles."

"You were huge, though. And this time you'd be working with Bad Luck. That means two composer geniuses."

Tohma couldn't help but snicker. Was Shuichi really this unsophisticated? _ He's so much like Ryuichi. Part virtuoso, part innocent waif._

"We could work together composing brilliant songs. We'll become legends! You wouldn't have to perform with us. Just compose behind the scenes. At least think about it, won't you? Please? Pretty please?"

Apparently he really _was_ this simplistic. Tohma said nothing, but smiled as he left the kitchen and went into the music room on the other side of the living room. Shuichi remained seated at the kitchen table wondering whether he should follow, but Tohma returned a few minutes later with a thin briefcase, which he set on the table.

"These are most of the songs I composed that were never recorded before Grasper broke up," he explained while opening the case. "A few others I keep in a separate place, because they're favorites of mine and I'd never let anyone record them but me. But you're welcome to go through these and see if there's anything there you'd consider 'brilliant'. Personally, I didn't. Now, are you ready to return to work?"

Shuichi stared at Tohma with glazed eyes and nodded. Tohma was giving him Grasper compositions? This was like...like going through the private papers of the emperor, or maybe seeing secret documents from—

"Shindo-san? Are you coming?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah." Shuichi rose from the table and followed Tohma out to the car with the briefcase, clutching it the way someone might hold an attaché case full of money.


	14. Chapter 14

"Eh, they're probably nothing but crap. If they'd been any good, Grasper would have recorded them themselves, wouldn't they?"

Hiro was probably right, but Shuichi was determined to find gold in this case. There were close to thirty pieces of sheet music in the attaché. Some were just riffs, some were full-fledged songs, and some were songs minus a bridge or a chorus. But surely one of them was a number one hit just waiting to happen.

"Yes and no," Suguru noted, examining the sheet music with a critical eye. "It's easy to see why some of these were rejected. While Sakuma-san is a great singer, his range is only a couple of octaves. Some of these songs would be impossible for him to sing."

"Really?" Shuichi hadn't thought there was any song Ryuichi couldn't sing. Okay, maybe it wasn't possible to surpass the Beatles, but perhaps they were close to finally surpassing Nittle Grasper now. "I'm going to take voice lessons. You think we could do some of these?" he asked hopefully.

"You're kidding. _You_ are going to take voice lessons?" Suguru stared at Shuichi a moment before laughing, much like his cousin had earlier.

"What? I really mean it." Why hadn't he noticed how similar Tohma and Suguru were? Neither one of them seemed to take him seriously.

"You don't have the discipline to take voice lessons. It'll be hard work, and I thought you just broke up with Yuki-san. Have you made up again? You know you can't focus on anything important when Yuki's mad at you."

"No! I'm not going back to Yuki. And how do you know about that, anyway?"

"Heh. Just a wild guess from the way you behaved when you came in this morning. Come to think of it, you're different now. Starry-eyed and hyperactive, like when you've made up again. You always get silly dreams and impossible goals after you've made up. Like selling a million albums and climbing the charts."

"Those aren't silly goals. We achieved them, didn't we? And now I have a new goal. I want to beat the Beatles. That's why Tohma gave me these songs."

The room went dead quiet for a minute until Suguru broke the silence with an uncontrollable fit of laughter. "Bwahahahaha! You're joking, right? Beat the Beatles? Seguchi-san thinks we can outdo the Beatles with these songs?"

"No. He told me we'd never beat the Beatles because they had too many genius composers and we only have you. Then I said we could have another genius composer if Tohma would compose for us, and he gave me this briefcase as a way of proving he wasn't a genius composer. He said I could have the songs if I thought they were brilliant, but he personally didn't think they were. I say he's wrong. There must be brilliance in here somewhere. Now who's with me? Are we going to beat the Beatles?"

Shuichi looked around the room, but everyone stared at him as if he were a visitor from another planet. Why didn't anyone take him seriously? Surely there was nothing wrong with wanting to be the best, the most famous band in history. But everyone continued staring at him with varying levels of incredulity. Finally, Hiro stopped gaping and walked slowly toward his friend.

"Seriously, Shu. Did Yuki hit you on your head? Because you don't need to protect him. We'll have him arrested for abuse and get you the finest brain surgeon in the world."

_What?!_

"Waaaaah! But I'm serious! Yuki never hit me, and he never threw me out of the apartment. I left on my own; I spent the night in a hotel, and now I'm living with Tohma. And I want him to compose songs for us. And I want to surpass the Beatles. What's wrong with that?"

There was silence again as everyone looked at one another, then back at Shu. The only noise was the sound of Sakano fainting before K strode up to Suguru and pointed a gun at his head.

"Actually, Shuichi is right."

"H-h-huh?"

K put the gun away and broke into a smile. "Yes, he's right. I doubt you'll ever surmount the Beatles, but it's good to have goals. Once upon a time, you had an insurmountable goal of getting a recording contract, and that eventually came to pass. Even if you fall short of eclipsing the Beatles, you might become the biggest thing in Japanese history. Anyway, it's good to work toward an impossible dream. As long as it motivates you, it doesn't matter if you never achieve it. You'll achieve other things along the way."

Suguru hung his head and sighed. "This just means a whole lot more work for me."

"No, it doesn't! I promise to pull my weight this time. Really. Tohma suggested I take voice lessons so I can sing longer and stronger and not damage my voice box. So I'm going to take singing lessons. And we might have to take on a drummer and a bassist. It'll ease the burden on you a bit, eh? Not everything should be done with a synthesizer. And I want to experiment with different instruments, like the koto and the shamisen and the taiko drum. The Beatles wrote a song just for the penny whistle, and it became a huge hit. We could write acoustic music, and experiment with different sounds, and—"

Chikushou, this was no good. Everyone was still staring at him blankly. "Well, it was just an idea."

Hiro shook his head and squeezed Shuichi's shoulder a second. "It's just that it kind of took us by surprise. I've never heard you listen to the Beatles. I didn't even know you were a fan."

"I'm not. Not really. I like some of their songs, but that wasn't what I meant. I meant, they're big in Japan, and in the rest of the world they're even bigger. After all this time, after they broke up, they're still the most recognized band in the world. The most played, the most covered. The most everything. They're on everyone's list of the top something. They've made video games about them. I want to be like that. You know?"

"Sure. I just don't see it happening. But like K said, it's good to have motivation. Okay, let's beat the Beatles. What do you say, Suguru?"

"Aargh." Suguru rolled his eyes, but grabbed the sheet music. "Fine. Just let me go through these and find something useful."

Hiro tuned his guitar to kill time as Fujisaki fingered through the sheet music.

"Hmmm..."

Shuichi looked over at the keyboardist. "Something?"

"Hmmm...? Oh, I was just thinking to myself." Suguru turned to another sheet.

"Thinking? Did you find something?"

"Well, actually...I was just thinking that a lot of these are very good. I'm not sure why Seguchi-san is willing to give them away, but we may as well use them. We have nothing else for this CD. If you want to do something acoustic, I think this one is very pretty. It's written for the keyboard, but we could rework it for acoustic guitar and maybe a flute. Here, I'll play it for you." Suguru pressed buttons on his Moog until it replicated the sound of an acoustic guitar. He was right; the song was beautiful. "I'm playing it much slower than it was written, but it sounds better to me in 12/8 time. What do you think?"

Hiro and Shu looked at each other, then Shuichi pumped his fist in the air while Hiro set down his electric guitar and picked up the acoustic one. After checking the tuning, he began accompanying Suguru. "You're right; this sounds better with an acoustic."

As they rehearsed, Sakano slowly regained consciousness, and K offered a hand to help him to his feet. "Wh-what's going on?"

"You didn't miss much. Bad Luck is going to be bigger than the Beatles, and I think I've found a new carrot."


	15. Chapter 15

So Shuichi was living with Tohma now? That was interesting.

Very interesting.

There was certainly nothing romantic about it; not yet anyway. But mulling it over now, Tohma was the perfect lover for Shuichi. Tohma needed someone to take care of, and Shuichi needed someone to take care of him. Tohma had plenty of experience dealing with a hyperactive infant prodigy after knowing Ryuichi so many years, and Shuichi needed someone with an infinite amount of patience. They were perfect for each other.

The only problem was Mika.

Eh, he'd worry about that aspect when the time came.

The immediate problem was how to get them thinking of each other romantically. K was determined to make Tohma his carrot, but a sniper with a rifle wouldn't work on him the way it did with Yuki. And Tohma probably wouldn't go to an amusement park, even at gunpoint. It'd have to be more subtle, and subtlety wasn't exactly K's forte. This would take a lot of thought and string pulling.

K unfolded a newspaper lying on a nearby speaker, and pondered the problem a little more. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to bring them together at all. It was inherently dangerous for an employee to date the boss. One little fight, and your career was over. Still, Shuichi needed a carrot, and where was he going to—wait, what was this? The royal family was attending a performance at the Kabuki-za tomorrow night?

Oh, man.

Oh man oh man oh man.

This would cost major favors. Getting two tickets at all would be next to impossible, even if he'd had a year's warning. But getting them on such short notice? And yet, all the major players in Japan would be there, if only to see the emperor. Diplomats, governors, members of the Diet, maybe even the Prime Minister would be there, not to mention movie stars and other celebs. Anyone who was anyone would be there, and Tohma would surely want to go. Shuichi would never say no to any kind of entertainment, no matter what it was.

K had to get those damn tickets.


	16. Chapter 16

"You didn't miss much. Bad Luck is going to be bigger than the Beatles, and I think I've found a new carrot."

Huh? What was going on? And what did it have to do with carrots? Or was this something related to Kumagoro? Sakano was always the last to know anything. If he understood recent events correctly, then Shuichi left Yuki, Bad Luck was going to supplant the Beatles, Tohma-sama was living with Shuichi, and Tohma had given Bad Luck all his compositions.

Tohma was living with Shuichi?

_Sigh._ What he wouldn't give to be Shuichi right now. Why was it so easy for everyone else to get close to the boss, but not him? _And I want to understand him more than anyone._

But what was there to understand, really? Tohma Seguchi was the sun, moon and stars. Sakano was dirt. No, dirt had mass and weight, and grew things. He was more like air—something invisible that everyone took for granted and never thought about. Did he have a home, a family, a private life, a name? No one seemed to care.

_Waaaaaah!_

These thoughts weren't helping his fainting spell. If he didn't get some air soon, he'd melt into a puddle of goo all over the floor. Excusing himself hastily, Sakano dashed into the hall and headed for the lift.


	17. Chapter 17

Taki Aizawa was a man without a country. More accurately, he was a man without a life, for the paternalistic system in Japan meant that the company controlled one's destiny. After Taki's fall from grace, Tohma refused to free ASK from their contracts. The boss wanted to keep them close, where he could keep an eye on them. The bastard. Alternatively, he didn't let them tour or release any new albums. They worked essentially as session musicians now, putting in a day's work for a day's pay, but not living the high life anymore. No fame, no fortune, no glory.

_How typically Tohma,_ Taki grumbled. _He's a power mad freak who gets his jollies controlling everyone's existence._ Well, fuck him. There was a loophole in the contract that Tohma hadn't foreseen. While ASK couldn't perform as a group any more, there was no clause preventing them from reforming under another name.

Or at another company, for that matter. As soon as Taki had been released from the hospital, he'd headed straight to XMR, NG's biggest competitor. It was a larger organization anyway—why hadn't he auditioned for a contract there initially? He could have saved himself all this disgrace. In any case, he was gleefully signed with the label once he'd explained the situation. Seemed he could be of great use to them as a disgruntled NG employee. XMR could keep an eye on their competition while Tohma kept an eye on him. A perfect setup.

He put in his hours at NG every day, then recorded a CD at XMR studios track by track on the weekends. It would take some time, but time was all he had now. Just marking time until he could break free of all this. Eventually, the CD at XMR would be finished, and a new band called _Answer_ would release the album to heavy rotation at dance clubs and radio stations—it was part of the agreement. In the meantime, he just needed to keep an eye out for anything interesting that happened at NG. Easy peasy. Maybe he worked long hours, but the two paychecks were worth it.

Only trouble was, he wasn't exactly in a position to see just what was going on at NG. He spent all his time in the recording studio, the vending area, the rehearsal room. What a boring existence. Did XMR expect him to put his ear to Tohma's door and spy on him like that? Only that crazy American K or M or whoever he was did that. One of the Bad Luck entourage.

Oh, here was another one. Sakano, wasn't it? Taki followed the git with the glasses down the hall for no other reason than that they were going the same way. Sakano eventually turned off into the vending room and sat down, while Taki hung around just outside the door, listening to the idiot ramble to himself.

"Shacho living with Shuichi. Gaaah! Just what does Shuichi-kun have that I don't? Aaaargh!"

What an imbecile. They all were. But what was this news? Seguchi was living with Shuichi? What had happened to the bastard with the gold eyes? The one who'd caused his catastrophe in the first place. Taki would make a fool of himself if he did anything about this without confirming whatever it was, so he made a note to ask Ken and Maa what they knew about Shuichi before he called the mags. Nah, they'd be the first to spill the beans on him if things went south. He'd have to investigate on his own.

But if it was true, Kaoruko might want to hear about Shuichi's new live-in lover. He'd have to arrange an anonymous tip with payment in the form of a cash deposit sent to him via a drop box. It shouldn't be too hard to set up.

How about that. He _did_ have something interesting to do today after all.


	18. Chapter 18

"Mr. K?" Tohma opened his front door wider, surprised to find _anyone_ knocking at this late hour, but especially anyone from the office. "Is something wrong? Please come in."

Shuichi shuffled up to the door behind Tohma, looking ridiculous in his bedroom slippers and a baggy bathrobe. K looked him up and down, and Shuichi grabbed the collar, pulling it tighter in case K had x-ray vision. "It's Mika's! I forgot mine at Yuki's."

K shook his head with a grin, and turned back to Tohma. "No time to come in, but nothing's wrong. Not really. One little thing, but it's not that big a deal. I have tickets to go to the Kabuki-za tomorrow night. The royal family will be there, along with anyone who's anyone, and I was really looking forward to going. Judy was supposed to arrive at Narita today, but something came up and now we won't be able to go." He grabbed Shuichi's hand and placed a ticket squarely in his palm, then held out the other to Tohma. "It's a shame to let them go to waste, so as a last ditch idea I thought the two of you could go in our place."

Tohma stared in disbelief for a few seconds, then robotically took the offered ticket. "But Mr. K, these tickets are so difficult to get. It's incredibly generous."

"No problem! Hope you have a good time."

He turned and got into his car, watching Tohma as he adjusted his rearview mirror once back in the driver's seat. Did Seguchi suspect something? K was no actor, but he _had_ learned a few tricks from Judy all those years. Like lying. It was doubtful Tohma would check his story with Judy. In a moment, Tohma closed the front door, and K started the motor. Hopefully it hadn't looked too forced when he'd placed the ticket directly in Shuichi's hand, but if he'd handed both tickets to Tohma, he ran the chance of Tohma calling Mika and taking her instead. This rather obligated him to go with Shu.

In any case, he'd ask them how it went sometime after tomorrow night.


	19. Chapter 19

"You dyed your hair blond?" Tohma gave Shuichi the once-over, then adjusted his own bow tie in the mirror near the foyer.

"Yeah. It just didn't seem right going with pink hair. I mean, this is a formal gig, right? Like going to the opera? We have to wear tuxes and everything. So I thought maybe pink hair would stand out too much."

"And blond wouldn't?"

"Well, you're blond. Now we're a matched set, am I right? Heh."

Tohma smiled warmly and grabbed his keys. "Ready to go?"

Shuichi examined himself in the mirror and nodded. "Yeah. Let's _do_ this thing."

Shaking his head with a small laugh, Tohma led the way out to the car. Within minutes they were on the road, headed for the Ginza and the newly renovated Kabuki-za. Shuichi fiddled with the radio until finding a good station, then turned the volume down a little so they could talk.

"So what's kabuki like? I've never been before."

"Never?" Tohma changed lanes as he answered. "At the Kabuki-za it's a lot like opera without the music. Generally a huge production with scores of actors, magnificent costumes, elaborate sets. The play tonight is _Shin Usuyuki Monogatari_. I think you'll like it."

Usuyuki? It just had to have Yuki's name in the title, didn't it? "Um...what's it about?"

"It's a tragic romance."

Of course. Romance with anyone named Yuki was always a tragedy. "Sounds...interesting."

"It is. A very popular play. It begins with the Princess Usuyuki visiting a temple in Kyoto to view the cherry trees that are in full flower. She's so overcome with their beauty that she writes a poem about them and sticks the paper on a branch. Later, a handsome young samurai named Saemon passes through while on a mission to deliver a sword to the temple on behalf of a shōgun. He discovers the poem, and cuts the branch to retrieve the poem. In the distance, the princess sees this and returns to the tree, demanding that the samurai return the poem. As you'd expect, they fall immediately in love and agree to marry."

"Awwww! Sweet. Then what happens?"

"Unfortunately, a villain named Daizen is in love with the princess, and vows revenge. He places a curse on the sword Saemon brings to the temple, which results in great tragedy for their families. When the sword is found to have a curse mark cut into it, Saemon and Princess Usuyuki are charged with treason, when it's actually Daizen who's the traitor, for he wishes to take over the country. Saemon and the princess are placed under house arrest in each other's homes, so the princess goes to the samurai's house and Saemon goes to hers. When their families are unable to prove their innocence, their fathers are ordered to cut off their heads."

"Oh noooooes! What happens? They don't actually do it, do they?"

"No. Saemon's father allows the princess to escape, and then he must commit ritual suicide for this transgression. Meanwhile, the parents of the princess have done the same; Saemon too has been allowed to escape, so her father likewise must commit suicide as atonement."

"Waaaaaah!"

"Heh. It's a very moving part of the play. The father of one—I can't remember which—brings a box to the home of the other. The box is supposed to contain the head of his child, but when the two fathers open the boxes side by side, they discover each has had the same idea—to let the children escape, so the boxes are empty. The scene ends with both men laughing together in their final moments, as each is dying from _seppuku._"

"Aaaagh! That's so sad!"

"Heh. It's only a play, Shindo-san."

"Yes, but—waaaaaah! Wait, what happens next?"

"Heh. The next scene takes place at the forge, as Daizen orders the swordsmith to reforge the sword he'd cursed to remove the curse mark. His servants remark that the princess is believed to be in the vicinity. Soon she shows up with her servant and begs the swordsmith to give her shelter. Then there's a fight scene, as the servants of Daizen fight the servants of the swordsmith. The swordsmiths are victorious, and the group announces that they're going to report to the shōgun at once and inform him of Daizen's treachery."

"Yay! But what about Saemon?"

"Don't you want to be surprised?"

"No! Wait...yes! No, I dunno. Does it have a happy ending? I hope?"

"Yes."

"Okay. That's all I need to know then. Unless there's more. Is there more? Oh, no. I just realized that Yuki would have told me to shut up by now. I should probably be quiet. But I'm so excited about going to the kabuki. I've never been before. And the emperor's really going to be there? Do you think he'll want to meet us? There are probably a thousand other people he'd rather meet. Not that he wouldn't want to meet you. He probably does. But he wouldn't want to meet me. Yuki would have killed me by now." Shuichi stared out the window as they wound through the streets downtown.

Tohma merely checked his blind spots and continued driving until they arrived at the front of the palatial theater. "We'll have to get out now and let a valet park the car. You've got your ticket, right?"

_Oh no!_ Shuichi patted down his pockets, then found the ticket. "Yuki would have called me an idiot if I'd forgotten my ticket, but you'd just turn around and return home for it, wouldn't you?"

"Heh. Ryuichi-san's lost more tickets than you can count," Tohma explained, getting out of the car. "And he'd blame it on Kumagoro every time. Forgetting a ticket is really nothing important."

He smiled and led the way to the front door, laughing softly as Shuichi grabbed the edge of his jacket so they wouldn't get separated in the crowd.


	20. Chapter 20

"Nonsensical theories in repetition gather in foolish predilection!"

Shuichi danced into the rehearsal studio the next morning, prompting Hiro and Suguru to look at each other knowingly. "Have a good time last night, Shu?" Hiro prodded.

"It was awesome!" Shuichi squealed, twirling around the room. "I'd never seen kabuki before, and it was spectacular. Hundreds of actors in the fight scenes, ginormous multi-level stage, cherry trees, kotos, swords, seppuku...it was awesome! And we had a box seat just a few boxes away from the emperor! He must have seen us at some point. We were the only blonds in the theater. Everyone must have noticed us!"

"Heh. So I see. You dyed your hair again. Gonna leave it this way?"

"Yeah, for a while. I dunno. Looks great on Tohma, so why not on me?"

"Ah ha. On a first name basis already? Things are moving quickly. Heh."

"Huh? No, no! It's not like that. It was just the theater. And then we went out to eat because Tohma was too tired to cook and I was hungry. But it was fun. He's so smart, and kind, and he listens to everything I say and never calls me an idiot like Yuki does. It's just a nice change, that's all. You know?"

"Sure, sure. Just a nice change. It's purely coincidence that they're both blonds with nice cars and unusual colored eyes and rich and famous and related to each other. You're not the least bit attracted to Seguchi at all. Right?"

"Huh?" If Hiro had asked him yesterday, Shuichi would have said he was crazy. He was just living with Tohma until he found a new place. And he'd start looking for one any day now. Any day. Odd that the thought of moving made him a little sad. He hated living alone. Maybe Tohma was their boss, but he was fun to be with. And charming, and kind. And he'd never gotten angry with Shuichi last night. Shu would have noticed a change in his smile. It was always warm and sincere, or had seemed that way to him.

Shuichi'd had a million questions about the play while it was going on, and a million more when it was over, but Tohma didn't seem to mind answering them. They'd talked about it for hours it seemed...Shuichi had lost track of time. He was thinking he could do a song and a video based on the play. Late last night he'd had a fabulous dream where he was a samurai and Tohma was a swordsmith. He wished he could remember more than that, but the details had hazed away upon waking.

"Um...Shu? Shuichi? Can you hear me?"

"Huh? What?" Shuichi snapped out of his daze.

"So you can't stop thinking about him long enough to even pay attention? This doesn't look good. Dating the boss...always a bad idea."

"Who's dating the boss? I just said I had a good time. That's all. So what if I like Tohma? So what if I wish Yuki was more like him? So what if I think he's attractive and smart and kind and charming and fun to be with? That doesn't mean I'm in love with him."

"Heh. Okay."

"Um...I hate to interrupt this cerebral discussion, but I've arranged a couple of Seguchi-san's songs," Suguru announced. "In accordance with Shindo-san's wishes, I experimented with non-synthesized sounds, and I think if we continue pursuing this course, we may end up more like the Beatles than planned. But let me play them for you."

"What do you mean, 'more like the Beatles'?" Hiro wondered. "I thought that was the goal?" He was honestly curious.

"I just meant that midway through their career the Beatles began experimenting with songs that really couldn't be played on tour, and never were. They were huge hits, some of them, but you just can't play those kind of songs in a live concert setting. The Beatles got big enough that they didn't have to tour anymore if they didn't want to, and they didn't want to. Are we going to become a studio band like they did? Or keep a separate playlist for concerts, or what?"

Shuichi hadn't thought of that. But then, he didn't really know much about the Beatles, except that they were a major success. "Erm, we could have two different arrangements, right?"

"Ugh. I knew it. This kick you're on just means more work for me." Suguru sat down at the piano and began playing the piece. Hiro and Shuichi stopped what they were doing to listen; Sakano and K were downstairs in the vending room. For now it was just the three of them in the studio, with the piano weeping a sweetly sad number. Tohma must have written it about the time he'd returned from New York, according to the date on the sheet music, and it wasn't long before Shuichi's eyes welled up. It was easy to see why Tohma had canned this one. It would depress the audience to tears. But so distressingly beautiful. Only Tohma could put such grief and splendor into a song. "This is just the piano part, of course," Suguru continued, "In my head I hear strings. Maybe a violin and viola, nothing more. It really doesn't need a whole quartet or anything larger. Sure, it wants lyrics—something somber to fit the melody—but otherwise I think it'll be a finished song with just those three instruments and a vocal. What do you think?"

Hiro was about to say Shu was going to put him out of a job if there was no need for a guitarist anymore, when Shuichi broke out sobbing. "Are you all right? What's wrong?" Before the words completely left his mouth Hiro realized what had happened—the full impact of leaving Yuki had finally struck him. That had to be it. They'd all been in suspended animation the past few days, awaiting the expected explosion of emotion that had never come...until now. "It's Yuki, isn't it? You realize how much you miss him."

But Shuichi shook his head. Minutes passed before he could stop sobbing enough to sputter out an explanation. "It never occurred to me before, but now I see. He was in such pain after New York. It tortured him. That's why he is the way he is, and why he wrote this music. I only saw it from Yuki's point of view before. I never thought about how it must have affected—"

"Shuichi-kun!" Shuichi's explanation was interrupted when Sakano burst through the door, waving a magazine over his head. "Shuichi-kun, have you seen this?" The producer shoved the folded glossy into Shu's hands, then swept the hair off his own forehead to contain the sweat. "They must have published this issue late last night. There's only a blurb, with a promise of more to come. Oh, this is bad. Bad bad bad. Shacho won't like it a bit." K soon followed him into the studio, wondering why he'd suddenly rushed out of the vending room screaming like a Hollywood damsel.

Shuichi stared at the producer a moment, then wiped his nose on the back of his hand before looking for the incriminating article. "I don't see anything. Is this the right page?"

Sakano grabbed the magazine, found the blurb and handed it back. "This is it, right there. Someone must have followed you last night."

Hiro and Shuichi examined the page together, then Hiro read the blurb aloud. "Could Yuki Eiri and his boy toy be headed for Splitsville? The normally pink-haired vocalist was spotted at the Kabuki-za last night sporting a blond mane identical to the coif of his new love, NG president Seguchi Tohma. The pair then had a romantic dinner for two at a popular nightspot, and then it was home sweet home again, for—are you ready for this?—the couple are now living together in Seguchi's Den-en-chōfu mansion. Talk about a stab in the back! Seguchi is the brother-in-law and supposed best friend of Yuki Eiri. Isn't that just the way it always happens, folks? Seguchi's wife reportedly stormed out of the house with the baby only days ago. I guess we know now why she left, wink wink. We'll have more on this depraved relationship in next month's issue as we get more of the skinny."

"What?!" Shuichi could almost feel his blood pressure rise. "This isn't what happened! I mean, it did, but not like this! I mean, they've twisted it into a truckload of lies!"

He charged out of the room with the magazine and headed down the hall toward the lift.

"Hmm...rather brilliant way to make money, though, isn't it?" Suguru noted, returning to the piano.

"Brilliant?!" Sakano screeched. "This is going to ruin us!"

"Yes, but think how well executed it is. The damage is done, and it'll probably sell a ton of copies, both this month and next. Even if Seguchi-san puts their butts to the fire, all they have to do legally is print a small retraction in next month's issue, but by then it'll be old news and no one will see it or care."

"Yeah, but in the meantime, the lives of at least four people are totally in the dumpster," Hiro argued. "Not to mention it might mean the end of all our careers. Poor Shuichi. Who would be disgusting enough to do something like this? Does he have any enemies?" He really wanted to know. "Who could hate Shu that much?"

"Maybe Shuichi isn't the objective," Suguru replied, tinkling the keys. "Seguchi-san must have plenty of enemies, and the kind who'd have the money and power to attend the Kabuki-za when the emperor did."

K listened to all this with measured calm. It didn't pay to fly off the handle...not until you knew for certain the target of your fury. Someone was tampering with his carrot, and that someone was going to get the stick.


	21. Chapter 21

Everyone in the building at one time or another had witnessed Shuichi whirl through the hallways like a cyclone, dressed up as a dog, a banana, a giant battery or a used tampon, depending on his mood and the situation. Before that, it was Ryuichi doing the same damn thing. You just couldn't account for musical genius. Those oddball creative types, although annoying and destructive, paid the bills around here and kept everyone employed. Then too, the boss had no problem with the fools, so it wouldn't do for the secretaries, sound technicians and other personnel to complain about them. You just did your job and kept your nose clean, and hoped nothing particularly destructive happened to your own paperwork or equipment. No one, therefore, seemed to notice or care when Shuichi thundered through the building up to the top floor and flung the door wide upon landing at the president's office.

"Tohma!"

Seguchi spun around in his chair, revealing he was on the phone. The look on his face impelled Shuichi to draw back with a gasp before sliding into the arm chair in front of the desk.

"Thank you, Reiko-san, but if you're not going to give me satisfaction, I'll take care of this little matter another way. Have a good afternoon."

Tohma hung up the phone, and Shuichi stared dazedly a moment before holding up the magazine with one hand and pointing to the offensive blurb with the other.

"Yes, I saw it," Tohma replied, holding up his own copy folded to the same page. "That was Reiko-san in our legal department I was just speaking with. I asked her if we had grounds to sue PopBeat for printing such lies. Unfortunately, her response was that it would most likely result in a Streisand effect and bite us on the ass."

Shuichi drew his knees under his chin, and bit his nails. "Blowback's a bitch."

"Yes."

"Then what do we do about it? We can't just let them say whatever they want. Should I move out of the house? I don't want to leave! I hate living alone. It's so...lonely. But I don't want to give them ammunition either. What should I do?" Shu fidgeted in his chair as he pondered the prospect of living in an apartment all by himself.

Tohma rose from his seat and wandered over to the windows. Was anyone watching them right now? With zoom lenses and video cams today, he wouldn't be surprised if movies of this very conversation turned up on YouTube. Well, it took a thief to catch a thief, they say. Perhaps he should ask K to spy on the spies and find out who was behind it. Ask K?

Ask K.

Maybe that was a good place to start—with the members of ASK. If they were innocent, it would at least eliminate them as suspects. He turned to Shuichi with a smile. "No need to worry, Shindo-san. I believe I know who's behind this spiteful little jealous tantrum. If he discovered you and I were secretly married in Vegas less than a week ago he'd probably wet his pants, but there's little chance of that."

Shuichi jumped out of his chair, but Tohma gestured for him to calm down and be silent. Eventually Shuichi took the hint that there might be a wiretap or microphone in the office, and resumed his seat. "But Tohma, we ought to do something."

"We will. But for now let's not let someone else dictate our behavior. We'll conduct ourselves as we normally would." He checked his watch. "Look at the time. We're already late for the orgy with the emperor. Please get Mr. K and meet me at the car. I'll drive us to the palace today. He's driven every day this week, and he's such a terrible driver."

Shuichi nearly burst out laughing, and he'd ruin the whole performance if he didn't leave immediately, but it was so damn funny. Tohma's seriousness only made it more hilarious. Hopping off his chair, Shuichi snapped off a smart salute. "Okay, lover! Like I said at the chapel, I love you more than anything, and I'll follow you to the ends of the earth!"

He reached for the doorknob, when it suddenly flew open without his assistance, and someone unexpected steamed into the room.

"Mika-san."


	22. Chapter 22

"Mika-san, I'm so glad to see you—"

"I'll bet you are. I saw PopBeat."

"...but we have to go now."

"What?"

Tohma gestured for her to follow and he led her from the room, with Shuichi tagging behind.

"What's going on?" she demanded in the hallway, moving the baby to the other hip.

"We'll explain in the car. It's not safe to talk here." Tohma stroked the baby's head, then led the way down the hall. Mika allowed herself to be led to the lift, then down to the parking lot, where Tohma pulled out his smartphone and called K directly. "Please meet us in the parking lot near my car."

"Tohma, what's going on?" Mika demanded to know once her husband had ended the call.

"It's just a matter of _better safe than sorry_. I don't know for a fact, but I suspect my office has been bugged. I'll need Mr. K to determine for certain."

"You're being spied on?"

"I believe so, but I'll have Mr. K sweep the building to make sure. If he finds anything, it's possible that whatever equipment he uncovers may lead to the perpetrator."

"How do you know he didn't plant something himself?"

"I don't, not beyond all doubt. But I'm willing to take a chance. We're old friends. He went to our wedding, and we went to his. I don't think he'd want to hurt me, but if he did, there are much more effective ways for him to do it. This is the work of someone who either doesn't know me well or doesn't have the power to wound me the way Mr. K could." Tohma extended a finger toward the baby and let him grasp his finger while cooing at him.

"All right. So is this spy responsible for the magazine story then, and is it true?"

"Yes, the spy is responsible, and no, the insinuation of the story is not true. It's true that I invited Shindo-san to live with us after he left Eiri-san, and it's true that he and I went to the kabuki theater last night. Mr. K had intended to take his wife, but she couldn't make it and he gave the tickets to us. The insinuation that there was something romantic about it and that you'd left me in a huff or some such nonsense was fabricated."

Mika glared into her husband's eyes a moment in exactly the way her younger brother sometimes did, but then relaxed. "His hair is blond like yours." She fingered Shuichi's hair, at which Shuichi drew away with a girlish screech.

"Chikushou! It was kabuki! I couldn't go with pink hair. The emperor was there!"

"But you could go with blond hair?"

"Seguchi-san is blond!"

Mika couldn't help laughing. Eiri's boy toy was insecure appearing before the emperor, so he emulated his boss down to the last detail? How naive. No wonder Eiri found him stressful. "You left Eiri?"

Shuichi stared at his shoes and nodded.

"I warned you before that you didn't know enough about him."

"Aaargh!" Shuichi's head shot up, and he shrieked loudly enough for K to hear him from the front door of the building. "We've lived together for years! I know everything there is to know about him! Absolutely everything!"

"Don't get excited. You're scaring the baby. You can stay with us."

Shuichi looked from Mika to Tohma, then to the approaching K, and didn't know whether he liked this new dynamic. It was unexpectedly fun living with Tohma, but living with Tohma and Mika together...? Ergh.

It gave him new incentive, though, to start looking for a place of his own. _Even if it means being alone._


	23. Chapter 23

Shuichi carried Mika's luggage into the house from her car that she'd parked half on and half off the sidewalk. _Now I know why she let me live here. She just wants a servant. And who better than someone who works for her husband and can't complain about abuse? Chikushou._

"Be careful with those bags. They're Oleg Cassini, and they don't make that design anymore. If you damage one, I'll have to replace the whole set."

_Gaaaah!_ Shuichi had wondered why Tohma told him to remain here to help Mika while he returned to the office. Now he understood. _It was so that someone else would have to deal with his wife, wasn't it?_

Once Shu had dumped all the baggage in the living room, Mika plopped the baby in his arms while she dragged the playpen over to the sofa. Oh, yeah. _This_ how he wanted to spend the day—lugging a baby around. _There's no way the Beatles ever had to do this._ Still, the kid was so darn cute. "Um...we really need to work on the songs for the new CD."

"Nonsense. Tohma told me the band hadn't written anything yet. They won't miss you for one day."

"Well, actually we're reworking some songs that Seguchi-san gave me."

"He gave you his music?" She looked at him incredulously a moment, then placed the baby in the playpen. The baby was old enough now to sit up by himself, and he sucked on a pacifier while grabbing a stuffed toy with clumsy fingers. Mika sat on the sofa with her feet leisurely on the coffee table. "Have a seat," she told Shu, patting the seat next to her. "We'll talk. Would you like a drink? Oh, wait. You're not old enough yet, are you?" She sipped a little of the cocktail she'd made for herself earlier and watched him.

"Chikushou! I'm old enough to drink. I just don't want to." He sat down and grabbed one of the throw pillows, cuddling it on his lap.

"Good for you. At least you haven't picked up Eiri's bad habits. Although you seem to swear a lot more than you used to."

_A Buddhist nun would swear if she had to spend five minutes in this house,_ he thought. "You don't have to worry; I won't corrupt the baby. In fact, I'm going to find a place of my own soon. I've just been too busy to do it."

"Yes, going to the kabuki and romantic dinners for two at popular nightspots can keep one very occupied."

"It wasn't like that! It was just...friendly. Not romantic. Seguchi-san doesn't like me anyway."

"You know even less about Tohma than you did about Eiri."

"Well, that's probably true. I know he loves Yuki. And I know he loves you. But Yuki doesn't love him the way Tohma loves Yuki."

"Idiot. You don't know anything about them at all."

What the heck did _that_ mean? That Yuki _did_ love Tohma romantically? Or that Tohma _didn't_ love Yuki that way?

"So what was the fight with Eiri about?" Mika sipped a little more of the drink, watching him over the rim of the glass.

Aaargh! Did she expect him to confess all his darkest secrets about his intimacy with her brother? She never confessed anything about her marriage for Shuichi's benefit. "I can't even remember. It wasn't the argument itself that drove me away, so much as the frequency of the fights. It's too stressful for me to live with someone so negative for so long. Yuki rarely says a kind word, and I didn't grow up in that kind of home. My family has always been very close, and harsh words just torture me. It's kind of surprising that I was able to stand it this long, but I was so in love that I chose not to see what I didn't want to."

"So you're not in love anymore?"

Shuichi shot her an angry glance, but considered her statement. Come to think of it, that was the whole solution, wasn't it? Love's first blush had worn off, and he saw Yuki now for what he really was—a bastard with a mean streak. "Yeah, I guess that's it. I'll always love Yuki, but I'm not in love with him anymore. And even if I was, I'm older and a little wiser now. I see things I didn't before, like the fact that our relationship isn't healthy for me. It probably does him a world of good, but it doesn't do much for my self-esteem or well-being. For the longest time, I stayed with Yuki solely because the thought of him dating someone else made me jealous and possessive, but I think I've outgrown that now. It's such a childish attitude, that possessiveness. Isn't it? I hope he finds someone who adores him, and whom he loves enough to treat with nothing but kindness and respect. Sadly, that isn't me."

Mika set down her glass and appraised Shuichi anew. "I'm impressed. You're not the babbling child you were when you first met my brother. You have more strength than I gave you credit for." She smiled at him and patted his hand. "The secret to a good relationship, in my opinion, is to be good friends first. Then if you find you've fallen in love with your best friend, it's the ultimate. There's no greater love than that."

Shuichi nodded. "Our relationship wasn't like that at all. It was the chemistry of infatuation, at least for me. Who knows what Yuki felt."

"I think you reminded him of his younger self, and he was in love with that person, while simultaneously hating him. It made your liaison extremely volatile."

Shuichi clutched the pillow tighter. "So you and Tohma were good friends who fell in love?"

Mika smiled but looked away at the baby. "We were good friends who've remained good friends, but we've found we can exist quite happily in that state. It would be a tragedy if one of us fell in love with another, but through the years we've managed to be faithful."

Shuichi's eyes grew wide. "But Yuki...and Tohma...?"

"It's not like that. Tohma loves my brother because Eiri reminds him of himself when he was younger. He too was bullied for his hair and eyes when he was a child. He feels about Eiri much the same way that Eiri feels about you, but without the self-hate. Couple that with a sense of guilt and failure over what happened with Kitazawa, and you have the makings of a very tortured man. You should feel pity for Tohma rather than resenting him."

"I do. I mean, I do now. I used to hate how he always seemed to be between us. But it was Yuki who kept him between us. He said Tohma was special, and I wanted to be the one who was special."

"You idiot. You're special to Eiri, but in a different way. Just don't expect him to tell you so."

Shuichi hugged the pillow again. Was it a Uesugi thing to call him an idiot? So far, the father and all three children had called him names at some point. Once the new baby did, it would be complete. "So you don't mind whatever it is between your husband and your brother?"

"As I told Tohma in the hospital, there's room for Eiri in our family."

Freaky. It was like she condoned an affair between her loved ones, as long as it was kept in the family. "So does that mean Tohma isn't gay?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but Tohma swings both ways."

The baby gurgled, and Mika grabbed a tissue and wiped his chin while Shuichi pondered things.

"Okay, but what about if it was someone other than your brother?"

"Hm...?" Mika balled up the tissue and tossed it on the coffee table before resuming her seat. "What do you mean?"

"Well, just for the sake of argument, what if Tohma fell madly in love with me? Would you let me keep living here? Would you divorce him? Would you resent me? Or hate him, or kill him, or kill me, or blame me...or what?"

Mika leaned back against the sofa, staring at him with narrowed eyes until a knock on the door interrupted the conversation. She rose from the couch and answered it, not the least bit surprised at who was standing there.

"We were just talking about you. Please come in, Eiri."


	24. Chapter 24

"Yuki! What are you doing here?"

Eiri slipped out of his shoes and walked through the house in bare feet, much like he had the other day, and sauntered into the living room. "What do you think?" He tossed a wrapped box to Shuichi and then sat on the sofa where Mika had been sitting, close to the playpen. "Goochy goochy Seguchi!" he said to the baby, to Shu's surprise, and patted the baby on the head. The baby gurgled and cooed at Eiri as if he recognized him and expected this behavior, which also startled Shuichi.

_Okay, so he's kind to babies and cats. Why can't he be kind to me?_ he wondered, then examined the gift box in his lap.

"Open it, you idiot," Eiri taunted him and then asked Mika for a beer and an ashtray. Mika rolled her eyes and headed for the kitchen, returning a moment later with the things he wanted. She took a seat in the armchair on the other side of the playpen and watched Shuichi slowly open the box.

_Oh, no. It can't be._ He tugged the ribbon from the box and opened the lid, poking his finger on the other end to force the foam cushioning to slide out. "It's..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. It's not exactly like the other one. But they don't make them exactly like the other one anymore, she said."

Shuichi pulled the foam halves from the crystal within, revealing a glass turtle similar to the old one, but smaller and somehow less cute.

"What does it matter? A turtle's a turtle, right?" Eiri lit a cigarette and propped his feet on the table. "So are we good now?"

_Of course. He only got the turtle as a bribe to come home and regain his hole to fuck._ Shuichi set the turtle on the table and gathered all the wrapping together. Eiri must have asked the salesperson to wrap the gift. It looked professionally done. "Thank you. It was very kind of you." _But it's not the same._

"Well? When are you coming home?"

"Um..."

"I knew it. Seguchi promised you something if you stayed here as a babysitter, didn't he?"

Shuichi had to laugh. "No one promised me anything. I'm probably a great burden, but the Seguchis have been generous enough to let me stay."

Eiri played with his cigarette, rolling the tip around the edge of the ashtray, shaping the glowing end into a sharp point. "So what the hell is keeping you here, then?"

_Yes, seriously, what the hell __is__ keeping me here?_ He ought to be glad to return to Yuki and the apartment. A few years ago he would've been. A few years ago he wanted nothing more than to be Yuki's punching bag, hole to fuck, therapist, stand-in for Kitazawa, or whatever else Yuki wanted. But things were different now. He wanted someone to be good to him. Always. Every day. He wanted someone to be polite and respectful to him no matter how he truly felt. He wanted someone to be kind and generous no matter what. Maybe later he'd want someone who was completely honest at all times, but right now he just wanted an antidote to Yuki. He wanted someone who was always kind, always smiling, even to his enemies.

He wanted to be Mika.

"Well? Did you hear the question, brat? What the hell's keeping you here?"

Silly Yuki. The answer was painfully simple. "I have nowhere else to go."


	25. Chapter 25

Yes, the answer had been painfully simple. The response had been painfully simple, too. Yuki glared at him with a combination of malice, contempt and anguish, then the bastard removed all Shuichi's belongings from his car, dumped them at the front door, and drove off cursing and swearing.

_Cursing. Ha. He'll leave curse marks like on that sword if he doesn't watch out. _

Shuichi had laughed, but inside he was crying. Mika helped him carry his things up to his room without saying a word, then as he sat on the bed staring at the bags with a glazed look she brought him a cup of tea. Shuichi barely noticed when she sat beside him, gently swept the hair from his eyes, then rose from the bed a little later. He didn't hear it when she pulled the door closed behind her as she left the room. It scarcely registered that he spent the next eight and a half minutes weeping on and off, and he had no idea where the tea cup came from or why it was empty in his hands.

At some point he heard Tohma's car pull in front of the house, and sometime after that he heard Mika and Tohma speaking in low voices downstairs, the gurgling of the baby, and he smelled something like katsudon emanating from the kitchen. He had no idea what time it was, but it couldn't be very late. Yet he was so emotionally worn out he soon fell asleep on the bed, still wearing his clothes and slippers.


	26. Chapter 26

His horse was jet black. He would have preferred a dappled one or maybe solid grey, but in his dream he had a jet black horse. In the back of his mind Shuichi thought it was a bad omen. While white was the color of death, black was still a somber color, and he knew no good could come of this.

_Of __course__ no good can come of this. I have to live in the stable with the damn horse. Waaaaah!_

Alas, this was his doom. He'd been exiled from his home, and could not find rest. _Man, I'm so ungrateful. At least I have a job. Some people don't even have that, and are starving to death._ Life was harsh in medieval Japan; especially in people's dreams.

"Send for the samurai. I have a job for him," he heard someone familiar mutter offstage.

Shuichi watched the groom saddle the horse until a servant appeared with a message. "The shōgun wishes to speak with you."

_My crazy dream continues. I wish I could wake up in the middle of it._

Shuichi mounted the horse in full armor and then headed for the paper castle in Edo where the shōgun resided. _Why would someone build a castle out of paper?_ he wondered as he spurred his black steed onward. Still, he envied the shōgun. _At least he has a home. I have to live in a stable. Chikushou._

Eventually Shuichi arrived at the castle and wound his way through towers and corridors until stumbling upon a pair of lacquered red doors at the end of a hallway. Regardless of how he pushed or pulled the handles, they stubbornly held fast. Seeing no other option, he drew his shining sword and hacked away at them, but the blade barely scratched the lacquer, and they remained closed tight. As a last resort, he took a running start down the hall and barreled through the doors just like he'd once crashed through Tohma's office in real life long ago.

The shōgun seemed used to this kind of entrance, and merely waited for the samurai to gather himself together before issuing commands. Two servants carried a long narrow box into the room on poles, then set it down before the shōgun.

"Kneel before the shōgun, you idiot!" one of the servants ordered him, and Shuichi dropped to his knees, internally cursing the servants for speaking to a superior in that way. Did no one anywhere take him seriously?

"Moron. Please pay attention, for I have a sacred task for you," the shōgun ordered. "If you complete it successfully, your exile will be rescinded and you will be handsomely rewarded." Shuichi knew that voice.

"Yuki!"

"Usuyuki-shōgun to you, you brat!" the same servant commanded, kicking him. Shuichi grabbed his side and looked at Yuki again. Yup, it was him. _Damn. Even in my dreams I have to serve Yuki. Blaagh._

"Listen carefully. Kitazawa placed a curse on my sword. I want you to take it to the swordsmith and have the curse removed." The servants opened the long box and gingerly handed Shuichi the weapon. "Now go. Time is of the essence. You _must_ take it to the swordsmith in Kyoto. He's special."

_Special. Chikushou._ Shuichi rose and bowed, grumbling under his breath.

With the help of his groom, Shu climbed back onto the black horse and headed for the temple in Kyoto, where he found Eiri's father and brother singing karaoke songs. _Agh__. No swordsmith here. Let me rephrase that. No __special__ swordsmith here. Is that Sleepless Beauty? They're singing it really badly._ Shuichi climbed down from his horse, marveling that he'd arrived in Kyoto from Tokyo on horseback in only a matter of seconds, and he tied the horse's reigns to a cherry tree. A piece of paper swayed in the breeze on one of the branches just above his head, and he drew his sword to cut the branch.

"What are you doing? I demand that you return my poem immediately!" a princess screamed, and he turned to find Mika dressed in Princess Diana's wedding gown, with Noriko and Reiji attending her. Noriko and Reiji? _You must be kidding me._ His dreams were stupid. "That poem is mine!" Mika cried, and angrily snatched at the branch. He tugged the paper from the twig and found they were the lyrics to _Glaring Dream_. The princess grabbed the sheet away from him and handed it to Suguru nearby, who was dressed like a scholar. Suguru folded it into a paper airplane that played music when he launched it into the air.

Rolling his eyes, Shuichi wandered through the Japanese garden that surrounded the temple, drawn forward by the sound of a falling hammer hitting an anvil.

_My crazy glaring dream continues. I seriously wish I could wake up now._

The garden meandered through cherry orchards and along a river bank for quite some distance, giving him time to think. _Kitazawa put a curse on his sword. Ha! Yes, that was true, considering there was something phallic about swords._

The hammer grew louder and louder the farther Shuichi traveled, until finally he arrived at an opulent forge. The back wall was a solid window the size of a room, and there were potted plants along the side wall. The other wall boasted a bookcase with an aquarium, platinum dishes and pink plushy rabbits. An expensive Berber carpet blanketed the ground, and the swordsmith had many employees, including Hiro, K and Sakano, all hammering away at little plastic disks with their anvils. This was evidently the workshop of a very successful smith. "How did you afford all this?" Shuichi asked, gesturing toward the shop.

"I forged _Kusanagi_, the Sword of the Clustering Clouds of Heaven."

Whoa. Shuichi gaped, very impressed, but he had to ask a question. "I thought Kusanagi was like Excalibur...you know, mythical? A legendary sword that doesn't really exist."

"It probably doesn't. This is just a dream. But in your dream, I forged _Kusanagi_ for the emperor, and was richly rewarded."

"Ah."

"I also created Excalibur, a singing sword. I made it for Ryuichi, because he liked the song it sings."

"Oh! Why? What does it sing?"

"Shiny Happy People. Now, what can I do for you?"

Shuichi turned to his horse, which immediately appeared still tied to the cherry tree, and retrieved the cursed sword from its pack. "Usuyuki-shōgun asked me to bring this sword to you, as you're the only one in the empire who can remove the curse from it." The samurai handed the swordsmith the blade, but Tohma shook his head sadly.

"I can't remove the curse," he explained. "Only Eiri-san can do that. But he doesn't want to. He's in love with the man who cursed him, and he can't get over him. Until he accepts that Kitazawa was evil and refuses to carry his name any longer, he will be forever cursed."

"What?" Shuichi stared open-mouthed at the swordsmith. "But you must! Unless you fix this I'm condemned to exile. You have to fix everything so I can go home again!"

"I'm very sorry."

Shuichi awoke from the dream, panting and sweating, tangled in the designer quilt covering the bed. It took a few minutes to remember where he was, for this wasn't home. _No, I don't have a home._ Weird that in his dream, he'd laid the responsibility for fixing Yuki on Tohma, when in real life Tohma had placed the responsibility on him. _I can't! He needs more help than I can give him. He'll never be sweet and kind and thoughtful and selfless...and I've decided I don't want anyone who isn't. Not anymore. Is that wrong? Why should I have to spend my life with someone who's only gentle and sweet on special occasions?_ It wasn't fair.

In a few minutes Tohma would do something Yuki would never do—he'd come upstairs and check on Shu to make sure he was all right. And Shuichi would do something he'd never do with Yuki—he'd tell Tohma about his dream. Then something would happen that neither ever expected in a million years. Shuichi would kiss Tohma on the cheek without thinking, saying, "Goodnight, Yuki," and then realize his mistake. "I mean, Tohma."

And somehow it would change everything.


	27. Chapter 27

_**"But you must! Unless you fix this I'm condemned to exile." **_

Silly things, dreams. And Shuichi's seemed to be a particularly loud one. Tohma was starting to worry that Mika would lose patience with their new houseguest, but apparently the prospect of a live-in babysitter outweighed any inconvenience.

"He's such a child himself, Tohma, he'll be great with the baby."

"I was thinking he's such a child himself that he can't be trusted with a baby."

"Nonsense. He took care of Kitazawa's kid just fine. You can't tell me Eiri did much to help. He's not exactly the nurturing kind."

Okay, she had him there. Picturing Eiri with a child of any age pushed the envelope of credibility. Perhaps that was why he was having trouble with Shuichi now. Tohma decided to check on Shindo and maybe wake him before his yelling scared the baby.

_**"You have to fix everything so I can go home again!"**_

As Tohma mounted the stairs he was reminded of Eiri's nightmares following New York. This was just a continuation of that, wasn't it? If Kitazawa hadn't been such a bastard, Eiri wouldn't be such a bastard now, and Shuichi wouldn't be living in exile.

_But I can't fix this._

He'd tried for years and failed, and he was sick of the failure. On the other hand, it was encouraging that Shindo had failed too. For years he'd been jealous of Shuichi's ability to make Eiri more human. It was gratifying to know there was a ceiling on that success, even though he truly wanted Eiri completely back to normal.

_Yes, I see it now. He can't get any better if he believes Shindo-san is the exception, not the rule. He needs to find more people like Shindo. He needs to find someone else who honestly wants him only for himself and not for personal gain._

But where was Eiri going to find anyone else like that? He'd never found Shuichi; rather, Shuichi had stumbled across Eiri by sheer dumb luck.

_**"Have you spoken to him yet? I thought you were going to fix all this, so I can get back to the mess I call my life."**_

_Well, it's like this, Eiri-san... _

_**"Just talk to the idiot and get him to come home. All right?"**_

Shuichi wanted Tohma to fix Eiri; Eiri wanted him to fix Shuichi. Maybe it was better if they didn't get back together right now. Separation might make them appreciate what they had. Or make them realize they could live just fine without each other. Tohma reached the top of the landing and listened in for a minute before rapping lightly on the door. "Shindo-san? Are you awake?"

The rustle of blankets as Shuichi tried to disentangle himself informed him Shuichi had been awake at least a few seconds, and Tohma ventured to open the door a crack.

"Tohma? Please come in."

Searching for the light switch, Tohma entered the room and looked around. Shu hadn't unpacked any of his belongings, reinforcing the feeling of deportation. Seemed to be a theme here. Tohma had been alienated from Eiri's affection, Eiri was banned from Shuichi's, and Shuichi was the living embodiment of statelessness itself. At Shuichi's urging, Tohma helped him disentangle from the quilt, and then took a seat beside him on the bed. "It sounded like you were having a nightmare."

Shuichi scratched his nose and leaned back against the headboard. "A nightmare wouldn't have been so bad. This wasn't scary, but it was so real it was disturbing."

"Ah. I could make you some tea."

"No, thank you. If I ate or drank anything right now, I'd probably throw up."

"It was that bad? Would you like to talk about it?"

Shuichi hesitated a moment, but stretched out his legs to get more comfortable and then told the story. Tohma listened intently, amused that so many aspects of the kabuki had worked their way into his dream. _It must have made quite an impression on him. _ To his own surprise, he suddenly thought it might be a good idea to take Shuichi to another show, maybe a comedy this time.

"What disturbs me most is the feeling that I owe Yuki something, like I was put on earth just to cheer him up and make him a happy, well-adjusted person again. That if I leave him and he commits suicide because of it, then it's all my fault. But if his grief and cruelty motivate _me_ to commit suicide, then it's just too bad for me but that's not his fault. Why is there a double standard, and why am I supposed to live my life at his beck and call? I didn't sign up to be his therapist."

"Yes, this is true, but it's usually the way of things that those who are well are called upon to help those who are not. You wouldn't ask a blind person to help the elderly in a nursing home, or recruit someone in a wheelchair as a volunteer for retarded children. You'd ask someone who is in good health. Likewise, Eiri-san needs to be around someone cheerful and optimistic, someone who hasn't let life get him down."

"I know, but this isn't what I signed up for. Maybe marriage is for better or worse, in sickness and in health, but it isn't supposed to be 'worse' and 'sickness' all the time, you know? There has to be some 'better' and some 'health', or it leads to divorce, especially when the sickness is self-inflicted. This is like living with someone who continually self-harms but expects me to clean up the blood and keep him safe. It's too exhausting."

Tohma folded his arms and tapped his elbow with his index finger while phrasing things in his mind. "Yes, I understand, but sometimes the one who self-harms can't be blamed for his own condition. He—"

"No. I know what you're going to say, and you're wrong. You've blamed yourself for years, but it wasn't you. I used to think it was, but that's like blaming Yuki for when Taki hired those thugs to assault me. That wasn't his fault, and Kitazawa wasn't your fault. And you know what? I was traumatized just like him. _Exactly_ like Yuki, but I didn't let it turn me into a cruel, heartless bastard."

"It wasn't _exactly_ the same, Shindo-san. You weren't in love with your attacker."

"And that's another thing. What kind of person remains in love with his attacker? I thought he fell in love with his sensei because he believed Kitazawa was incapable of such ruthlessness. Now that he knows the bastard _was_ capable of it, he should be revolted by him, not make excuses for his behavior."

"Yes, but Kitazawa-sensei was his very first crush, and—"

"Ha. I don't think so."

"What do you mean?"

"You know. His first crush...was you."

Tohma cocked his head at that one. Eiri's first crush? If Eiri had ever told Shuichi such a thing, it had probably been said purely to wound him. Eiri still loved to hurt people, for some reason. Maybe it made him happy when he knew he wasn't the only one in the world suffering. "Did he actually say that?"

"He said you were special. It couldn't mean anything else."

Tohma had no idea what the context was, but if Eiri ever felt anything apart from annoyance, he'd certainly kept it a secret.

_Doesn't matter. Whatever he may have felt for me before he met his sensei definitely died the day Kitazawa did._

"Shindo-san, there's something you should know. Eiri-san asked—"

"Tohma, please don't say it. What I'm asking is totally impossible, but I'm begging you to be my friend for a while instead of Yuki's. I know he asked you to talk me into returning to him, but I can't. I just can't. He's like a leech who's sucking the soul out of me the longer I stay there, and there won't be anything left of me if I go back. I can't live my whole life just to make someone else happy. He has to make me happy, too, and Yuki can't do that anymore. He's insulting and cruel, and doesn't respect me as an equal. So please don't ask me to go back to him because if you do, I might crumble and give in, and that would be the end of me. Yuki would completely destroy whatever's in me that's still innocent and optimistic. I beg of you, please don't ask."

Shuichi looked so fragile and pitiable, how could Tohma refuse? There was no justification to do otherwise anyway. He nodded slowly and unfolded his arms with a sigh. Shindo was probably right; Eiri's therapist would say they were enabling his brother-in-law instead of letting him learn there are consequences for treating people unkindly.

Very well. Eiri didn't need him; Shuichi didn't need him. He was redundant again. He was about to rise from the bed when Shu leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, saying, "Goodnight, Yuki," before he realized his mistake. "I mean, Tohma."

Huh?

Shuichi stared with his hand covering his mouth wondering what he'd just done, but Tohma laughed it off. There was no point in making his guest feel sillier than he already did. "Goodnight, Shindo-san," he replied with a smile. "Sweet dreams this time." He left the room, closing the door behind him, and headed down the stairs feeling elated.

_Why this elation?_

"Is Shuichi okay?" Mika asked when Tohma returned to the living room.

"Yes, just having a bad dream."

"Ah. I hope he doesn't have another one. He'll keep the baby awake."

_That's right. He had a nightmare. A dream bad enough that it disturbed him and made him scream in his sleep. And he was so unhinged, he stupidly kissed me on the cheek._

_**"I'm begging you to be my friend for a while instead of Yuki's."**_

"I'm going to bed, Tohma. I'll put the baby in his crib. You can turn out the lights and make sure the security system's activated. Okay?"

"Sure. I'll be up in a minute, Mika-san." Tohma kissed the baby and watched his wife carry the child upstairs. Things were different now, that's why the elation. A minute ago he was redundant, and now he was needed. It was just that the dynamic had changed.

Shuichi needed him more than Eiri did.


	28. Chapter 28

**"Look at the time. We're already late for the orgy...Please get Mr. K and meet me at the car."**

**"Okay, lover! Like I said at the chapel, I love you more than anything, and I'll follow you to the ends of the earth!"**

— Tohma Seguchi and Shuichi Shindo

_**"Things are more depraved than we thought, for it seems Shindo Shuichi and Seguchi Tohma were secretly married in Las Vegas only days ago. But there are far greater ramifications to this relationship than first believed, with allegations linking to the royal family. Our sources tell us Seguchi and Shindo engage in debauchery at the palace daily along with the band's manager, estranged husband of Hollywood star Judy Winchester. Palace officials had no comment."**_

"I'm sure they didn't, as you probably didn't even contact them, you bastards." Hiro slammed the glossy down on Tohma's desk. "This is disgusting! Isn't there anything we can do about it?"

"I don't see that we need to waste our own resources taking care of this matter, Nakano-san," Tohma replied with cosmic levels of composure. "The punishment for libeling the royal family is greater than anything NG's lawyers could do to them."

Hiro gaped before adding, "But they said the two of you were married! They may have killed Shuichi's career with that statement. And ours."

"It was a risk, Nakano-san, but I think the public is much more tolerant of that kind of thing today than when Eiri-san and Shindo-san first met. In any case, it was important to come up with a lie that was easy to disprove, and since gay marriage is illegal in Las Vegas, it seemed an acceptable risk."

Suguru listened to the conversation while staring out the window, but turned toward his cousin at the mention of Vegas. "So we can be reasonably certain then that the spy isn't Mr. K? As an American, he'd know that gay marriage was illegal in Vegas."

Tohma blew on his tea to cool it, and then shook his head. "I doubt Mr. K keeps up with which states permit same sex marriage. It wouldn't interest him. If he had a male lover, he'd do as he pleased regardless of laws or social mores."

Suguru nodded. "Okay, but we're reasonably sure this office is secure?" The last thing he wanted was a slip of the tongue to show up on MusicNewz tomorrow night.

"Mr. K assured me this office was clean, but it's the only one he's checked thoroughly so far. He's checking the rest of the building right now, so if you wish to speak freely, this is currently the only room where you can do so."

Suguru nodded again and returned to the view.

How could he be so calm? Shuichi seriously wanted to know. How could they all be so calm? Shu was still in a state of shock. He'd awoken this morning still feeling stupid for kissing Tohma on the cheek last night. Until they'd arrived at work he'd thought he couldn't possibly ever feel more foolish than he did just then, but the magazine story Tohma's secretary placed on his desk eclipsed the previous stupidity.

_I knew I shouldn't have come in today. Should have followed my gut._

Tohma wouldn't hear of it, however. He'd pushed his hat a little off his forehead with one hand and grabbed his keys with the other. "You should come in to work today. Occupational therapy is better than sitting at home wallowing in your grief. I should know."

Shuichi had nodded and followed him out to the car, tickled for some silly reason that Tohma had referred to 'home' as if it were his home, too. He'd alternated between floating on air and feeling like a moron all the way to work, and then...this. Someone had bugged Tohma's office? Just to leak stories to the press about a singer and a music mogul? Unreal! It wasn't like this was a weapons plant or a political organization. It was just music, for fuck's sake. Who'd want to spy on a music exec?

"One thing's interesting," Hiro noted, fingering the glossy again. "The last blurb was in PopBeat. This one's in SoundBite. Apparently whoever it is works freelance."

"Yes," Tohma agreed, reading a sheet his secretary had placed in his inbox earlier. "I imagine he has a list of the major music magazines and when they publish. The trouble is, my contacts at those rags insist the tipper is anonymous. I suppose our recorded images are all the credentials they need to go live with the story. There's something else that's interesting, too."

"What's that?" Hiro asked, watching Tohma lay the sheet of paper back in his inbox.

"Orders for Bad Luck's albums have gone up. Retailers are requesting additional copies of the full Bad Luck catalog, even your early work. I doubt that was what the spy intended, but it's an interesting side effect."

"Of course," Shuichi screeched. "We're a public spectacle now! Of course everyone wants to see what all the fuss is about. They just want to laugh at me and say it's good that we're falling from grace, since we weren't that talented anyway and never deserved success. That's what they always say about celebrities when things like this happen. Chikushou!"

Tohma casually straightened his inbox and then steepled his fingers. "I wouldn't worry about it, Shindo-san. Look at how many scandals plagued the Beatles during their careers. The drugs, the jail time, the paternity suits, the religious fanatics burning their albums. They weathered all of it and still sell big even today. Scandal is always a great publicity booster."

Shuichi turned sharply with wide eyes. "But we're not the Beatles."

"No, but let's conduct ourselves as if we are. Too big to worry about something so trivial. I honestly wouldn't worry about this."

Shuichi stared at him, a new idea suddenly jumping to mind. "You're behind it, aren't you? Did you have a hand in it, Tohma?"

Tohma smiled at Shindo in amusement. "Heh. No. But I'm kicking myself now that I didn't think of it first. This could work out very well for us. As the lies are exposed, the readers will stop believing what the magazines say even if some of it's actually true, and we'll be able to do as we please later on without worrying about gossip or scandal anymore. In any case, I don't intend to let someone else dictate my behavior. You knew that privacy loss was part of the package when you signed your contract. They wouldn't be so interested if you weren't a megastar, so this is just one more indication of success. Don't let it get you down."

K entered the room just in time to hear the end of Tohma's remark. He carried a small cardboard box and something the size and shape of a digital voice recorder. "So you're saying it might be wise to play into the spectacle? Be seen dating and partying and going places together? Feed the frenzy with a scandalous romance?"

"Heh. I didn't exactly say that, Mr. K. But a scandal will only help sales and generate more interest in the band and its members, so I wouldn't worry about these ridiculous stories. All of this only helps our sales, and hurts us little. Did you find any more spyware, or whatever you call it?"

K tilted the box he was carrying so Tohma could see inside. The box contained various spy cameras with built-in mics, the kind one could purchase at Amazon or a thousand other outlets. "This," he explained, holding up the thing that looked like a dvr, "is a device that detects signals. Got it from...er...my old job. I've double checked, and the building comes up clean now. This was a very unprofessional job. Actually only two rooms were bugged, and it confirms in my mind that the culprit's someone who works here. The infected rooms were this office and the rehearsal studio, both of which are empty at intervals long enough for an amateur to plant these little doodads. Technically, anyone in the building could have done it, but let's focus on someone with an ax to grind."

How many people could that be? Shuichi didn't have to think long. "Droopy eyes! Who else?" Tohma should have fired him. Would have, if the jealous bastard had violated Yuki instead of him. _Argh._

"We don't know that for certain, Shindo-san," Suguru cautioned. He expected Shuichi to bounce off the walls any minute and do something stupid that would get the company sued, but Shu seemed to be calmer and saner lately. Maybe living with Tohma was having a good effect on him.

"There are ways to find out," K posited. "I could keep an eye on him."

"Good idea, Mr. K." Tohma stirred his tea, and then set the spoon aside. "Please keep me informed of anything suspicious you discover. The rest of you can get back to work."

"No problem! But I guess you'll have to take these now." K pulled two tickets from his shirt pocket and handed them to Tohma.

"What are they?"

"Tickets to the MTV Hip Hop Awards. I won't be able to go if I have to follow Aizawa, so you might as well have them."

"Oh, I couldn't. These are very expensive and hard to come by, and Mika-san hates award shows."

"Does she really? No problem! You can take Shuichi."

Shu turned toward K at the mention of his name, just in time to notice something that would bother him for the rest of the day. Why had K's face lit up at the remark that Mika didn't like award shows?

_I'll probably never find out. Or if I do, it won't be good._

But he was wrong.


	29. Chapter 29

The next several weeks were busy.

_** "Please take these tickets to the MusicNewz Video Awards Show!"**_

"Mr. K..."

_** "Look! Tickets to the Japanimation Anime Contest!"**_

"I'm so very sorry that your wife isn't able to come to Japan at the moment..."

_** "Tickets to the Kabuki Actors Guild Award!"**_

"But all these tickets you've been giving me..."

_** "Global Warming Charity Event!"**_

"While it's very generous..."

_** "Photography Artistic Association Prize!"**_

"In fact, I'll never be able to pay you back for your kindness..."

_** "Muscle Car Designer Showcase!"**_

"No problem! My pleasure, shacho."

_** "Best Advertising Jingle of the Year!"**_

"...but it's got to stop. Mika-san is going to think I'm having an affair with Shindo-san behind her back."

"Behind her back? But you've been out in public in every instance. Is it my fault that Judy loves award shows and Mika doesn't?"

"No, but in almost every case, the awards program ended so late that dinner somewhere was a necessity. I couldn't ask Mika-san to cook for us so late at night."

"Ah. Well, I have good news! Mika likes fashion shows, doesn't she? I just happen to have three tickets to the Ginza Fashion Week Extravaganza. Babies get in for free, of course, so the four of you can go together. Just one big happy family, eh? Shuichi will like that."

Shuichi _would_ like that, and after all, that was the _raison d'être_. This was all going better than K had planned. The slight change in the cast had made a world of difference. Maybe Tohma and Shuichi were coming together more slowly than Yuki and Shuichi had, but a slow burn lasted a lot longer and caused a lot less fireworks than a blazing wildfire. Shuichi seemed happier and more peaceful lately, and K noted that Tohma had affected Ryuichi the same way years earlier. _There must be something soothing about Tohma's unflappability to the eccentric types._

Whatever it was, things had been running smoothly the last few weeks. Shuichi showed up on time for work every day—not that he had a choice with the boss driving him—and more importantly, he did his job and contributed significantly to Bad Luck's output.

_He's even taking singing lessons!_

It was a million times better to watch Shuichi tapdance through the building instead of moping around. K had no idea how Tohma viewed all this, but from his own point of view his carrot was working out just fine, and things were going swimmingly.

_No prob-a-lem!_


	30. Chapter 30

Mika-san was the best wife. Ever.

How she'd put up with him for so many years he didn't know, but he was grateful for her unwavering support. Not that they hadn't had their arguments. The only ones that were even remotely related to infidelity, though, were about Eiri.

Had she known about the Bavarian girl on the world tour a few years back? Or the cross-dresser in that visual kei band when they were just starting out? Had she ever been suspicious of his relationship with Ryuichi or Noriko while on the road, or the various secretaries, songwriters, session musicians or disc jockeys he came in contact with every day? If so, she never revealed any awareness of potential adultery.

As old friends, she'd always understood his ambition. Perhaps she'd anticipated that he'd become a music mogul someday, and she was just playing the part she'd expected to play all along—that of the dutiful wife of a powerful magnate. Long-suffering, willing to endure a husband's indiscretions, anything to avoid a public scandal—it was all in the job description of such a spouse. Maybe she'd known this ahead of time and chosen it anyway when she'd agreed to wear Tohma's ring. He'd never know for sure, but he loved her more than anything.

Almost.

He loved her brother, he loved music, he loved his son, and he loved Mika. Not in that order, but then, he wasn't sure of the order anymore. He certainly loved her more than Shuichi, so why had it been _his_ face instead of hers that had erupted across the monitor of Tohma's mind at the moment of climax just minutes ago?

_I've been spending too much time with Shindo-san lately._

Yes, that was it. Had to be. He'd spent so much time with Shuichi going to banquets and award shows and other events, that it felt like they were on an extended date. These dates often ended with dinner and clubbing, but that was only an obligatory spitting in the eye of the magazines that continued to print libelous stories about them. He wouldn't let tabloids dictate his behavior.

Yes, this was the justification.

Mika cuddled in his arms, breathing heavily in a way that told him she was asleep. The sex was great lately, not that it had ever been off. Was it too good? Was it too frequent? Did she suspect that fantasies of Shindo fueled the fire?

Tohma lay in the dark, pondering his dilemma. _Thing is, we don't only go out in the evenings. Almost a third of these events take place during the day._ This was true. It wasn't as if they dumped the baby on Mika and then went out to have a good time without her every night. Whenever she wanted some time away from the baby, they stayed home and babysat while she went out. And sometimes the four of them stayed home together, talking or playing a game, or Tohma took Shuichi into the music room to work on a song while Mika listened from the living room, reading a book.

Mika, in fact, seemed glad to have Shuichi around. He did the dishes every night after she went to bed, and even helped with the laundry. Okay, there was that one unpleasant incident when he accidentally dyed everything pink, but after that, he understood the need to separate whites from colors, and everything came out fine thereafter. The point was he was trying to help.

_He'd likely never done the laundry at Eiri-san's._ The writer had probably forbidden him from touching Eiri's clothes thinking he was just a childish brat, incapable of doing anything right. Maybe Shuichi had even come to believe he was incompetent, but Tohma knew better.

_He's like me. He needs someone to take care of...and someone to take care of him._

There it was.

_That_ was the magic equation, the one he'd been groping for. Shuichi was a money maker for NG Music, and money was necessary for Tohma to take care of Mika.

_And Shindo-san needs me._

His guilt was assuaged. For now. Tohma tightened the circle of his arms momentarily, then closed his eyes, snuggling against his wife.


	31. Chapter 31

Dear Diary,

Day 17 and I still miss Yuki. Otherwise things are going swell. Sensei says my singing lessons are coming along fine, but I feel like I have even less voice control than I did before. Everyone insists the CD sounds great so far, tho, so I won't worry about it. K claims our music sounds more like Blessid Union of Souls than the Beatles, but at least we don't sound like every other j-pop group out there now. I never wanted to sound like the Beatles anyway. I just wanted to achieve what they did.

Tohma, Mika and I took the baby to Ginza Fashion Week, and all of us came away with at least one new outfit. The baby made out the best, as both parents spoil him rotten. They buy him toys and clothes every time they leave the house. He's going to grow up to be a little emperor, just like his daddy.

Hopefully he won't have his dad's inner sadness, though. I don't think he will. Tohma must have had a high pressure childhood, with parents who wanted him to excel at everything. Sometimes I watch him play with the baby. He sometimes tries to egg him on to speak or walk or do some other thing he's not really ready for yet, but then Tohma catches himself and says, "At your own pace, little man." I think by the time the kid grows up, it'll be second nature to Tohma to let him achieve goals at his own pace. He's so good with the baby, reading him stories and singing to him. He plays with him a lot more than my dad ever did with me, and I'm a little jealous. So he's kind of neurotic about checking toy packaging for choking hazards and such. I think that's just to avoid what Yuki used to complain about before—that thing about how Tohma used to take his toys away when he was a kid. The question is why Yuki's parents let him have dangerous toys in the first place. Tohma's kid has thousands of toys, and none of them could hurt him. I don't think Yuki's father was particularly diligent about that kind of thing. He was too wrapped up in being a good Buddhist to worry about being a good parent. Tohma and Mika, tho, try so hard to be good parents. I guess Mika got a lot of practice raising Yuki and Tatsuha.

It's funny that I didn't used to like them that much. I thought Mika was kind of bitchy and Tohma was downright evil. Now I think Mika's very snarky and cynical, but not cruel. She honestly wants to do what's best for Yuki. Tohma has so many demons, and many regrets about the past. It colors everything he is and does. Both of them sacrifice so much for Yuki, but he's never appreciated either of them and he's vicious to them at times. They never get angry or cruel with him, tho. He's just like a spoiled brat who never learned just how much other people suffer. He only understands his own suffering. I see him in a whole new light now, and it confirms that I shouldn't go back to him until he works through his issues.

He comes over sometimes and plays with the baby, talks to Tohma loud enough for me to hear, and orders Mika to fetch his beer and cigarettes. Tohma's very gracious, and always tries to include me in the conversation. Then it ends up being me and Tohma talking to each other, and Yuki sits between us pretending he couldn't care less about either of us. Ha! I see right through that now. He's a little emperor himself, always expecting people to jump through hoops for him. It only reinforces how much more charming Tohma is.

Tohma did the sweetest thing the other day. I was going to throw out the turtle Yuki gave me, but I felt so guilty wasting so much money. He must have paid a fortune for it. I just didn't like it, tho, and I don't know anyone who'd want such a thing. I guess I could give it to Mika, but then I'd have to look at it every day if I continued to live here. Then Tohma stopped me and said I shouldn't throw it in the garbage—I could give it to charity or re-associate it with a good memory instead of a bad one. I asked him how you do that, and he said he'd take care of it. So I gave him the turtle, and over the weekend he returned it to me. He'd had a professional artist paint some eyes and whiskers on it, and one of the fashion designers at the Ginza fashion show sewed a tiny little fleece Kumagoro suit for it. He'd dressed up the turtle as Kumagoro. Ha! It's so darn kyooot now, and I want to show it to Ryuichi the next time he comes to visit. I keep the turtle on the nightstand where I can see it, because it makes me think of Tohma now instead of Yuki.

I don't know what to do exactly about the ring, so I've just packed it away in one of my suitcases. I should give it back to Yuki, but I know that'll start another fight, and I'm so tired of all the drama. With Tohma there's no drama, even tho there should be since he's married and everything. Maybe his wife just wants him to be happy, even if it means there's someone else. Or maybe she's seeing someone else herself. I don't know. I don't want to hurt her, but I see something now I didn't before. Tohma's the one I was destined to be with. I think I was meant to experience Yuki first so I'd know how much better it could be with Tohma. I only know that I never want to leave this house or these people, and I want everyone to be happy.

— from the diary of Shuichi Shindo


	32. Chapter 32

"La la la la...la la!"

Taki didn't need to turn around to know who was coming down the hall behind him. He ducked into a stairwell and let the little git bop past, while he kept a cautious distance and followed Shuichi as far as the control room.

"La la la...oooh, hi there, Miyoshi-san! Everything well with you? Goooood! Everything's awesome for me! Is the boss still in his office? Haven't seen him since we came in this morning, and oh! The parking lot? Oh, yeah. I remember now—he _did_ forget something in his car, but blah blah blah..."

Shuichi continued babbling, but Taki had lost interest and stopped listening. How he'd love to kill Shindo right now. Or better yet, that bastard Seguchi. It might actually be better that way if Shuichi was honestly in love with the president now. Torture them both with one foul swoop. Ruin Shuichi's happiness, and get his just revenge. Nothing else seemed to be working.

_If only I had the means. I'd go right out to his fucking expensive car and kidnap the bastard right now._

His anonymous tips to the mags seemed to have no effect. The buying public just didn't care about scandal anymore. If anything, he was probably helping Shuichi and Seguchi's careers.

_When would there ever be another chance like this? Fewer witnesses in the parking lot. _

It was like they were made of Teflon. Nothing stuck.

_All I'd need is some chloroform. Or a tire iron. Knock him right out, then drag him to my car. _

Taki let his fantasy run wild for a few minutes, then wondered whether he was trying to talk himself into doing something stupid.

_Come to think of it, our cars are parked not far from each other. I could just take him home, then come right back to work before anyone misses me. Everyone in the building would then attest that I'd been right here when the thing went down. _

Foolish. Dumbass foolish to even think of such a thing. Somehow he'd fail. He failed at everything. Someone would see everything, and he'd go to jail. Taki walked over to the nearest window and looked down. The parking lot was empty. Seguchi probably hadn't made it downstairs yet.

_Wait, what was that thing? About chloroform..._

Completely empty. No one around to witness anything. But it was damned stupid to even think about such a thing. Seguchi had powerful friends. Someone would find him at Taki's place, and he'd go to jail.

_You can make it at home with something. Bleach, was it?_

He could maybe take him somewhere else. Was there somewhere else? Somewhere isolated. Somewhere out of town. Or on the other side of town. He could rent an apartment temporarily.

_Bleach and paint remover. Or was it alcohol?_

Or find an abandoned building somewhere. There were abandoned buildings all over the city. Empty warehouses, condemned tenements. That old theater that was boarded up years ago after the fire. No insurance, owners went bankrupt. The prefecture took possession after that, and they were too lazy to do anything with it. No money in the budget for city improvements. No money for anything but graft.

_Bleach, paint remover, alcohol, some rope or handcuffs, a gag and blindfold. That's all I need for now._

Dare he try it? Nothing else was working. No one was interested in scandal. At least, it didn't hurt one's career anymore. If they could get away with murder, why couldn't he? Why were the rules always different for Taki Aizawa?

_Let's find out, shall we?_


	33. Chapter 33

_**"In local news, executive music producer Seguchi Tohma disappeared from the NG parking lot yesterday, and is believed to be the victim of foul play. Police questioned ASK front man Aizawa Taki for several hours, but later released him due to lack of evidence. A large reward has been offered to anyone with information leading to an arrest in this crime."**_

This couldn't be happening. Who'd want to kidnap her husband? But there it was on TV. That made it real, didn't it? Mika had been wandering around the house all day in a daze. There were things that had to be done—feeding the baby, handling the reporters, filling out police forms—but all she could focus on was the telephone and the need for it to ring. Why didn't he call? If Tohma were anywhere near a phone, and he always was—he carried one in his pocket at all times...why didn't he call her?

It was all an elaborate joke, wasn't it? He and Shuichi had come up with this horrific practical joke to torment her. They did everything together now. Going to shows and bars and who knew what else. This was all a practical joke, and Tohma would call any minute now and say, "Surprise!" and laugh at her, and the whole ugly thing would be over with.

But...

_**"Mika, is Tohma home yet?"**_

_**"What do you mean, Shuichi? He always comes home with you."**_

_**"I know, but he left the office early this morning and never came back."**_

_**"What?"**_

_**"He went down to the parking lot to get something he forgot in the car, and he just...disappeared! No one's seen him all day. His car is still there, but he's just...gone. I had to get a lift from Hiro. I was hoping Tohma had turned up here, but if you say he hasn't come home yet, then...oh, fuck. We've got to call the police!"**_

No, Tohma wouldn't do this to her. He was the best husband in the world. The best in human history. He'd never torture her like this by choice.

_Why doesn't he call?_

She'd just have to wait until he broke free and got to a phone. Then he'd call her. Or someone would call to collect the reward, telling her exactly where he was. And then the police would find him and everything would be all right.

_He's too weak. They've injured him. Or..._

No, she couldn't afford these thoughts. Tohma would survive this, whatever had happened. He was thin but wiry and strong. And smart. Somehow he'd dupe his captors and get away, and then call her. Any minute now. She just had to sit here by the phone, and he'd call.

_At least they didn't kidnap the baby._

Kidnapped children were never recovered, but kidnapped adults sometimes were. At least her husband would be. He had to be.

_Oh, dear Buddha, please don't let them..._

The phone would ring any second now. Mika hugged the baby closer and put the phone in her lap. It was stupid to give in to fear and powerlessness, but the phone wouldn't ring and there was nothing else to do. For the first time since her mother died, Mika burst into tears.


	34. Chapter 34

_**"Police are still searching for any clues to the whereabouts of Tohma Seguchi, who disappeared yesterday morning from the parking lot of NG Music. According to police commissioner Ichiro Tsukahara, no witnesses saw him after he left the building to retrieve something from his car. What he was retrieving is an object of great speculation, and police say it could be the clue to his disappearance and his current location."**_

_This is all my fault. I just know it. _ It had to be Droopy Eyes. Who else would want to hurt Tohma?

_**"Seguchi-san must have plenty of enemies, and the kind who'd have the money and power to attend the Kabuki-za when the emperor did."**_

Suguru was right; was always right, but Shu couldn't bear to think that Tohma was dead at the hands of a rival. XMR? No, they wouldn't. They had the power and the money, but why would they risk it when they were so much bigger than NG? It wasn't worth the effort. This had to be someone with a grudge. Something personal. And that brought it back to Droopy Eyes.

He must have killed Tohma and buried the body somewhere, but...

_No!_

Until there was a body, there was no death, and Tohma would turn up. But when...and where...and in what condition?

The TV set continued spewing the news, and Shuichi considered turning it off. It was only upsetting Mika, and yet it seemed a kind of lifeline to the outside world. They needed to know what the hell was going on with the case, and the police didn't seem to be doing anything. They should be doing things! Not sitting around waiting for Tohma to die. Why hadn't the bad guy been captured and the victim returned safe and sound already? It always happened that way in the movies, in less than two hours.

Shuichi turned to Mika with the intention of feeding the baby, just to be helpful. The poor kid hadn't eaten yet and it was way past time for his bottle, but Mika grabbed the boy closer as she put the phone in her lap, then she burst into tears.

_Chikushou! I hope Droopy Eyes is happy now! He's tearing her apart._

There were so many things Shuichi wanted to confess to her, but the time for that was past. She didn't want to hear that he was in love with her husband now that her husband might be dead. There was nothing she wanted to hear right now except that her husband was coming home to her. _To hell with this!_ A moment later, he'd made a monumental decision.

"Hold my calls, Mika-san. I'm going out."

A feeble joke, but his friends knew better than to call when the police told them to keep this line clear in case the kidnappers called to make a demand.

"Huh? Sh-Shuichi? Where are you going?"

He'd done it once before, and found Yuki when even Tohma couldn't find him. He'd done it before, and he'd do it again, or die trying. He'd do it for her, for Tohma, for their baby, and for the debt of gratitude he owed them for opening their home to him and giving him a life after Yuki.

"I'm going to find Tohma!"


	35. Chapter 35

_**"Police have stepped up their search for music mogul Tohma Seguchi, who has been missing almost 31 hours now. Police commissioner Ichiro Tsukahara told reporters at a press conference this afternoon that each hour grows more critical for finding a body or a culprit."**_

Fuck. Ing. Whores.

This must be killing Mika. K found himself reminiscing about Tohma's wedding, and how euphoric Mika had been that day. She'd looked like a princess, and he'd envied Tohma something fierce.

_Fuck._

This was all his fault. Even though he wasn't officially Tohma's bodyguard, there was an unspoken understanding that due to his background he was to watch out for the major players at work. Not to mention that Tohma was his friend. He owed him something. The least he could do was watch his back. He'd known there was something dangerous going on at the office with all that spy equipment. He should have taken it more seriously, but his only thought at the time was that it was done solely for the music rags. If he'd imagined for one instant that anyone would ever kidnap Seguchi...

Well, fuck this. It had happened, and it was time to take off the kid gloves. K knew it was someone at NG, and he had a tool for outing just who it was. This was one weapon the enemy wasn't counting on, and just as soon as he uncovered the perpetrator, K was going to butcher him.

No exaggeration.

For the foreseeable future, he had to follow Shuichi 24/7.


	36. Chapter 36

_**"Police are focusing their investigation into the disappearance of musician Tohma Seguchi on his wife after receiving tips from various music publications suggesting Seguchi was having an affair with J-pop star Shuichi Shindo. According to executives at PopBeat Magazine, it's possible Seguchi's wife Mika discovered the affair and killed her husband in a fit of jealous rage. The disposition of Seguchi's year-old baby now hangs in the balance as police consider the likelihood of taking Mika Seguchi into custody."**_

The police were complete idiots. They were barking up the wrong tree big time with this one, and the sad thing was that he and every other taxpayer in the country had to pay for it. Eiri lit a cigarette and lowered the volume on the TV set.

How much longer before the police decided that _he_ probably murdered his brother-in-law for taking the brat away from him? Idiots. One more reason they needed to require IQ tests for people in positions of life and death. There was no excuse for allowing morons to work for the police force.

_Seguchi..._

He ought to be glad his brother-in-law was finally out of his hair. And if he turned up dead, Shuichi would go into monster mourning and probably return to him for good. Eiri would be different this time, tell him he loved him more, yell at him less. Would it kill him to say a kind word now and then? His therapist kept telling him he needed to work on these areas, but it didn't come naturally to him. Not anymore.

_...you bastard._

He ought to be thankful there'd be no more calls at all hours just to check and see if he'd eaten today and how his books were coming along and how he was feeling. What did he owe the bastard? Nothing.

Not a thing.

_Not a fucking damn thing. Not one...single...damn...crap. _

Damn it, somehow the son of a bitch had made him care what happened to him. Tohma had watched over Eiri until his scars had healed, and gotten him through the very worst years of his life—of _any_ life. It was time for Eiri to return the favor. Did Seguchi love Shuichi? Eiri didn't know, but if anyone could find him, the brat could. The idiot had a nose like a bloodhound when he wanted to find someone. The little moron had dug up Eiri in New York huddling on the floor of that crappy tenement apartment years ago. He could find anyone he cared about, no matter where they were on the planet. Did Tohma love Shuichi? Eiri didn't know, but at this minute he hoped more than anything in the world that Shuichi loved Tohma. Crushing out his cigarette and grabbing his keys, he left the apartment and headed for his car.


	37. Chapter 37

So Tohma liked plays? Then this was the perfect place to finish this little drama. Now _this_ was the way things were meant to be—Taki in charge and Tohma groveling on the ground, figuratively speaking. The first thing to go were the clothes, of course. Seguchi had always used apparel to put distance between himself and the peons, hiding himself behind layers and layers of sanitizing plumage. Keep the rabble from touching His Precious Majesty. _Time to turn the tables._ Time for Tohma to learn what it was like to be dirt on the floor. Take him down a notch or twelve; teach Mr. Prissy Pants utter humiliation, show him how it felt to eat bugs and worms and drink his own piss. There were probably people in the world just that poor and famished. Why not Mr. Big Wig Executive?

Had the bastard ever known real suffering? No, only vicariously through the suffering of other people, like his faggot brother-in-law, or maybe his new lover, Bimbo Shindo. _That's the closest the cocksucker has ever come to being raped...until now. Ha!_

Unfortunately Taki couldn't stand that kind of male on male stuff; that's why he'd hired thugs the first time around. _But that was my first mistake. Never include other people in a crime unless you're willing to kill them afterward. Gives them too much leverage over you._

Fine; he'd learned his lesson with Shuichi. Wouldn't make the same mistake with Seguchi. There were other ways to do the deed without engaging in it yourself. Like with a broken bottle. Broken bottles seemed to have some personal significance to the prick anyhow. Every time Taki accidentally kicked one across the floor the bastard flinched, like he remembered the sound from some other incident. On just how many other occasions had he been bound and gagged, then roped to a bench on the proscenium of a burned down old theater?

Must have been very disconcerting for the bastard to be symbolically blind, deaf and paralyzed. Blind because of the blindfold, paralyzed because of the ropes holding him down, and deaf because Taki refused to speak. Certainly the little blond shit knew it wasn't one of his friends doing all this. Maybe there was someone else in Tohma's past he'd hurt even more than Taki. _Let him worry about that other chump getting revenge. Heh._

But where to start? Maybe he should negate the need for all these bindings entirely—break all the fucker's limbs, cut out his tongue, pour bleach in his eyes. Then he wouldn't need the ropes or gags at all. Would bleach actually blind him? Taki wasn't sure, but if not, he could surely find something else that would. What was this? As he stepped forward on the dark stage, he nearly slipped on a gadget lying on the floor. The whole building was littered with burned equipment, props and debris. _Ah, a screwdriver._ As he bent down to pick up the stray tool, it occurred to him that this would certainly blind the bastard nicely.

_Yeah, this will do the job._

He'd still have to find something to remove the tongue and break his bones, but there was tons of litter around here. Surely he'd find a saw, some tinsnips or pipe cutters around somewhere. They must have had a carpenter build the sets in this theater. Probably plenty of tools around if he just looked for them. In any case, the police were getting no closer to finding the sucker, and Taki could afford to inflict his atrocities as the weapons for doing so became available.

The prisoner was now restrained; the judge, jury and executioner were ready to carry out sentencing. _Your Honor, it's time to approach the bench._

With the screwdriver firmly in his grip, Taki crossed the stage toward the condemned to finish the last act of this play.


	38. Chapter 38

_What happened? _

Tohma awoke groggy and confused, but as he came to, it occurred to him that in the movies the victim always said, _"Where am I?" _and not _"What happened?" _Somewhat ironic, as he had no idea where he was, but had some idea of what had happened. When he couldn't rise from whatever he was tied down to, he thought back and remembered the last thing he'd seen. A reflection of Taki stepping up behind him, reflected in the passenger side window of his car. There was a weird odor in the gag in his mouth, something like turpentine. Taki must have knocked him out somehow and brought him here, but just where was _here_?

And what did the little turd plan to do with him?

A clue struck him when he realized he was naked. Assailants don't take your clothes off for nothing. How long had the dickhead been planning this? _I should have killed him in the hospital. _ Too late now, and Taki was probably going to do to him what he should have done to Taki back then. How long had he been here, and did anyone at the office notice that both he and Taki were missing? Hopefully they'd know to at least arrest the goddamn motherfucker for his murder.

_Never see my little boy grow up._

He'd never see Mika, never see Eiri...and never see Shuichi again. That was it, wasn't it? The gods were punishing him for cheating on his wife in the past, and planning to cheat on her again in the future. _One sin too many. _

He could hear largish insects crawling through debris on the floor, perhaps cockroaches, or maybe beetles. The thought of them climbing up the bench spurred him to test the strength of these bindings. _We never beat the Beatles, and now the beetles have defeated me._ The one who'd done this to him was certainly an insect. Tohma had to get out of here. Summoning everything in him, he struggled against the rope, but achieved only rope burns. What was that sound? _Larger insect._ Someone was approaching, making a noise that sounded like he was tapping something against his leg. Tapping something like a ruler, maybe. No, something with less area, like a pencil or knife.

Tohma would never find out what it was or what Taki planned to do with it, as an explosion rocked the building and demolished what was left of the burned out rafters above the orchestra pit. The last of the scenery crashed onto the stage, bringing down the backdrop, and entombing the room in a shroud of dust and ephemeral silence.


	39. Chapter 39

"You're such an idiot."

"Huh?" Shuichi pulled himself up from the epicenter of the blast and looked around. "Yuki?" Dusting himself off, he tried to focus on what had just happened, and where he was. "This looks like a movie house."

"Idiot. It's a drama theater. They used to put on plays here in the old days. The old days being the Edo period, I'm thinking." The theater actually wasn't that ancient, but Shuichi smiled at the joke, glad that Yuki was here in such a dark, chilling place. "What are you doing here, Yuki?"

"Following you. I knew you'd find Seguchi somehow." Eiri walked over to the bench now plastered with fallen debris and began shifting ceiling plaster and charred rafter joists. "Seriously, where the hell do you get those crazy dog suits?"

Shuichi stared down at his plushy outfit with the blinking nose until Yuki's words sank in. "Tohma! Where's Tohma?" It all came back to him now. He'd put on the dog suit and set off to find Tohma in a cyclone of desperation, landing here in this dark, burned out theater with an explosion of unspent energy. No wonder the police were making no progress. Who'd think to look for a kidnapped music exec in a burned down shingeki theater on the old side of town?

"He's here," Eiri announced, removing the gag and blindfold from his brother-in-law. "Unconscious, but alive. Must have been hit with some of this falling wood. Honestly, can't you just _walk_ into a building?"

Shuichi looked down sadly, guilt-ridden at the thought that he might have killed Tohma with his recklessness. "I'm sorry, but you know how frantic I get when someone I care about is threatened. I just can't help it. I thought they'd murder him if I didn't find him quick enough. Oh, fuck! Where are they? The kidnappers? Did they escape?"

Eiri worked on the ropes, but couldn't free Seguchi. "Give me a hand here, eh? I don't think you need to worry about them. I'm standing on the ringleader. He's out cold too, but after you get Seguchi to a hospital, I'll wake this fucker and find out who else is working for him. He's not going to bother us anymore."

"Yuki..." Shuichi looked up from the ropes binding Tohma and stared at Eiri, slowly grasping the full import of his words. "You can't just..."

"Yeah, I can. This whole situation proves it's necessary. I've killed before; it's no big deal. I can afford good lawyers. If someone doesn't do it, this mongrel's gonna plague us again in the future. You want to see Tohma dead next time? Or his kid? Or me?" Eiri glanced over at Shuichi, gauging whether he'd like to see his first love deceased.

"No. Of course not. You know I love you, Yuki. But I just can't live with you anymore."

"I see. You're in love with Seguchi, aren't you?"

Shuichi gazed down at Tohma's dusty, pale face and nodded. "But it's not what you think. He has nothing to do with it. He didn't seduce me or anything. He may not even know how I feel. I just sorta...fell in love with him...somehow. I don't know why. I only know that he's what I need at the moment. That's not why I can't live with you, though. I couldn't live with you even if there was no one else. I've outgrown the need for your approval, and I've decided I deserve someone who's good to me all the time..." Shuichi stopped, realizing there was no point in slamming Yuki with his rationale. What purpose would it serve? It'd only make Yuki feel bad without reason.

Eiri finally worked the rope from one of Tohma's hands, then freed the other. For a moment he considered whether it made more sense to call an ambulance or send his brother-in-law to the hospital in his own car. For all he knew, Taki had injured his spine tying him to this bench, but Shuichi interrupted his thoughts when he began slapping Tohma's face tenderly, trying to get him to wake.

"We need to put clothes on him and get him to the hospital, Yuki. Can you carry him?" Shuichi bolted up and looked around for clothing, but whatever Taki had done with them wasn't evident.

"Never mind. I've got a jacket in my car. It'll have to do. You'll have to drive Tohma to the hospital in my car while I take care of Droopy Eyes here. Can you handle that?"

"Sure, Yuki. But what are you going to do?"

Eiri glared at him a moment while hoisting his brother-in-law over his shoulder. "Are you sure you want to know? Probably just tie him up with those ropes he bound Tohma with, then beat his brains out with a pipe or something. There must be a crowbar or something heavy around on the floor among all this rubbish."

"Ah." Shuichi wished he hadn't asked, but internally agreed it probably needed to be done. The police couldn't even find him. How could they guarantee they could keep him in jail once he was convicted? That was assuming they could find a jury that wouldn't acquit the once popular star. Juries seemed to love celebrities, no matter what they did.

"So what do you plan to do, Shuichi? Live with Seguchi the rest of your life? I suspect Mika might resent you sleeping with her husband. Aren't you in the way there?"

Shuichi followed Eiri out to his car, thinking. "I don't know. I've never felt like I was in the way. They've gone to great lengths to make me feel wanted and useful there. Mika says I'm a good babysitter."

"I see. She uses you as a servant. Is that really what you want?"

"She doesn't use me. She cooks the dinner; I wash the dishes. It's just helping out, and doing my share. We're like a family, and every member has to help out. You know? I don't feel used. More like I'm using them to be my ideal family. I mean, I love my own, but I love the Seguchis too, and they make me feel needed. I'm happy there."

Eiri stared at Shu a moment as if he were going to say something, then changed his mind and said something else instead. "Don't just stand there, you idiot. Open the door." He smiled a little then, and Shuichi relaxed.

"Heh. Sorry, Yuki. Here." Shu opened the rear door so Eiri could lay Tohma across the back seat.

"Drive fast but within the law. You don't want to have an accident or juggle him around too much. He might have a head injury or something. Here are the keys. And don't dent my car or I'll kill you." Eiri held out the keys, but they were grabbed away from him before Shuichi could take them.

"You might want to keep those keys, Yuki-san," K said, stepping forward.

"Mr. K! What are you doing here?" Shuichi demanded.

"The same as Yuki-san. I followed you here, thinking you could find shacho. You'd better get him to the hospital, both of you. I'll take care of the mess in there," he said, gesturing with his head toward the theater.

"But Taki's in there! Yuki has to—"

"I know what Yuki has to do. But I have one thing Yuki-san doesn't, which makes it imperative that I take care of Mr. Droopy."

"Oh? And what's that?" Eiri wanted to know.

K grabbed his cigarettes from his pocket. "A license to kill."

Shuichi and Eiri looked at each other a moment, then each climbed into the car, Eiri in the driver's seat. As they drove off, K turned toward the old theater. Even as a burned out shell of a building it echoed something of the grandeur of its former days, and it was a shame he had to turn it into a tomb now. But Yuki was right; Taki would plague them again in the future if he wasn't stopped permanently. K walked into the building, and took out his lighter.


	40. Chapter 40

"Hn...wh-what's going on?" Taki awoke, roped to a metal railing and glared at by an unfamiliar face.

"Glad you're awake, Mr. Droopy Eyes. My name is K, but that's not really important. I simply thought you might appreciate knowing the name of the last person you saw while alive. I found your stash in the other room."

"Stash?" Taki shook his head to clear the fog, but still couldn't figure out what this K person was blathering about. "What stash?"

"Bleach. Rubbing alcohol. Paint remover. Was this some kind of homemade chloroform? You didn't need all three of them, you know."

"Ah." The fog had lifted; this was someone from NG, wasn't it? "You found Seguchi?"

"Yes, he's en route to the hospital right now. Anything you want to tell me that might persuade me not to kill you?"

"Like what? I'll tell you whatever you want to know. Just don't hurt me. He did enough of that himself. This was just payback. Well-deserved payback."

"What did you do to Seguchi?"

"Nothing. Just knocked him out with chloroform, then tied him to that bench over there. I didn't have time before that fucktard Shuichi burst in here like a tornado. Let me go."

"Who else was in this with you?"

"No one."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Absolutely certain?"

"Yes! Why wouldn't I be sure? Now let me go."

"I don't think so, Mr. Droopy Pants."

"What are you going to do?"

"Just going to make certain that Shuichi has a happy ending. Which means you get a sad one. Bleach doesn't burn very well, but the others do. This old theater's used to fire. I don't think anyone will question it burning a second time. It's nothing but a fire trap anyhow."

"What?" Taki winced as K accidentally splashed alcohol in his eyes while dousing the bottle over his head. "What are you doing?!"

K emptied the bottle, then poured the paint remover over Taki's lower body where the alcohol had missed. This would be a grisly, painful death, but if there was one thing they'd taught him back at The Agency, it was to work with the available environment and try to make a murder look as incidental as possible. When the authorities found Taki's charred remains, they'd find no bullet in his skeleton...and hopefully nothing to make them second guess a ruling of accidental death.

"Are you a monster? You can't do this!"

He'd heard it before and hoped he'd never hear it again, this begging for life. Was he a monster? Some part of him, certainly. But even a monster was entitled to peace of mind, and K flicked the thumbwheel on his zippo.


	41. Chapter 41

"So how do you feel today?"

"Much better, thank you, Shindo-san."

"Miso soup! You need some soup; that'll make you better. Couldn't hurt."

"Shouldn't that be _chicken_ soup?"

"Is it? Maybe that's why I never feel better after eating soup."

"Heh."

Mika listened to this exchange between Shuichi and Tohma, grateful that her little family was back together again. She'd have to make a generous offering at the temple for the return of her husband. Tohma had a slight concussion and bruises, but was otherwise in good shape. After a few days' rest he'd be back to 100% according to the doctors, and this was infinitely more than she'd expected. He wouldn't be alive at all if it weren't for Shuichi, and she had no idea how she'd ever pay him back.

The tabloids were disappointed that Tohma couldn't remember anything about the assault due to total unconsciousness during the entire capture—or so the official story went—but they had no trouble inventing scenarios. The discovery that Tohma had been saved by both Shuichi and Yuki together was a source of endless speculation and interpretation. Even more interesting was the side story about the mysterious disappearance of Taki Aizawa and whether NG Music was the target of an ongoing yakuza attack.

A lesser story also hit the papers that week, the story of a theater burning in the older district. A body was found inside, but dental records couldn't be matched and DNA testing was inconclusive. Just another mystery of the theater, but the stage was always the best place for a good mystery. The building was slated to be rebuilt as a nightclub, a development Taki might have appreciated.

As Mika read a board book to the baby, she decided she ought to insist Tohma come with her to Kyoto over the weekend to offer thanks at the temple. _Papa will appreciate the donation._ How the old man would feel about seeing Shuichi again was an open question, but Shu was definitely good for Tohma, and that ended the discussion as far as she was concerned.

What Tohma and Shuichi did at the office she wasn't sure of, but her husband's previous infidelities hadn't changed things between them. He probably thought she hadn't known about them, the fool. _The wife always finds out_. As long as she always came first, she could deal with it.

Besides, there was something utterly irresistible about that Claude Winchester.

_What's good for the gander is good for the goose, right?_

Maybe they could even double date...


End file.
